Thursday, 19 March 2015

entry 31.5

 valentines 2015

i forgot to mention that it's kind of weird?? maybe but for valentines while sending roses to friends and myself (insert booty face here) i had spare money and thought that sending a flower to jude would be a good thing to do

this is before what happened in the below post though

but i thought sending a flower to someone i've always thought was pretty would be a nice gesture and i guess i wanted to spread the happiness a little bit, like "if i have the ability to make a person smile then that's what i should do"

of course it was anonymous though /inserts real booty face: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

and on it i just wrote "good day/konnichiwa" in japanese with a jap emoticon similar to this: (*^▽^)/

and well yeah B)

in that regard, i hope everyone had a spectacular valentines day

say this to ur special someone and bedazzle them with ur language abilities:

kimi no me ga hoshi no you ni kagayaiteiru

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

entry 31


How long has it been?

4 months perhaps?

I reckon a lot has happened in that time. I've become a lot more concrete in my goals for the future, I think, and I've definitely been inspired to do my very best in school work because I guess I've realised that you get what you put in and what I'm doing right now is for my own sake, for the future. The future is a prospect I'm so starry-eyed about but I know sometimes I won't be. If, perhaps, my vision becomes clouded in such a way then I want to say to future!Jesse that everyone will always have potential and the world really is your oyster.

Like, in Haikyuu [AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL ANIME DUDES, seriously, Nishinoya is my absolute BAE - どうぞ-], as that somewhat important side-coach says to Kageyama and Hinata after their loss in the final match:

"Does losing prove that you're weak?
Isn't losing difficult for everyone?
...A challenge where, after ending up on your hands and knees, you must see if you can stand up again?
PARAPHRASING; isn't it only if you stay on your hands and knees proof that you are weak?"

つもり、get back up yo. The world may be your oyster but it ain't gonna wait. :D Take things into your own hand.

And so here comes another important point I want to make that got me back on my feet after a challenge I had to accept, when I first went back to Japanese at the start of the year. Btw it's week 8 currently and exam week is next week, so time really has been going by fast.

"If you love it so much, learn it well."

If people have watched Haikyuu, like, if, among my readers who aren't any of my friends, have watched Haikyuu - they should know about the situation with Kageyama and Oikawa.

I felt like Oikawa; that suddenly a genius like Kageyama had come along and at that time I'd thought thoughts like "How can I compete against that?"

Like, no.

So this'll get personal, but s'not as if it really hasn't before right?

So this brilliant girl (and I really mean that because her hard-working spirit is evident and so is her passion) was accelerated to the subject I always... entitled myself to. I don't think entitled is the right word. It's just that, before that, I've always thought things like: "Japanese is all I have, it's all I can do good at, therefore it is mine [my subject] to do good at." But why 'mine'? What does that even mean?

I think that loving something is scary. Being passionate about something is scary. There will always also be scary competition and the first step into getting over the fear of competition, I think, is admitting that those competitors are just as passionate as you. If you love a subject, you should want to do well in it > you /want/ to study it, to indulge in it, you feel like it is a huge source of gratification for yourself. This is definitely not a bad thing, not at all. In fact, it's a really good thing - to have enough passion for a subject to have the determination to do well in it.

But it's like, when you love something that much, for me: I want to do my very best in it. Therefore, I want to be the best at it. Do you think that notion is a bit selfish? Selfish may be defined differently in your sense, compare to what i'm referring to, but regardless, I know I'm a very selfish person so in light of competition I don't have much of a problem admitting that I want to 'win'.

Anyway, when I found out that she'd been accelerated and that her accent was magnificent and she obviously knew a lot about her stuff, I kind of got angry at myself for not knowing as much as her. How did I know I didn't know as much as her? Dunno - was that the truth or was I just challenging myself because I saw her as a 'threat' at first? It just struck me that she was very formidable and I wanted to be just as > more.

So I actually went to the teacher, and I was probably being so blunt but I asked him:

Why is she so good? Is it because she works really hard?

And maybe in that question I kinda said [I work hard too, why am I not better?]

SEE how self-orientated that is? Not sure if that is the word - but see how kind of icky that is?? It makes me feel icky just looking at it!

And when I asked him that, I think I nearly cried because everything came at once:

I accepted that she was really good, if not better.

Sir looked at me and said, gently, something along the lines of: "Well, firstly, she's half Korean and Korean is very similar to Japanese in terms of structure. But she also loves it a lot."

I compared myself to her; I just, just loved Japanese so much that I guess it was hard for me to comprehend the fact that someone might "love" it more but how can you really measure love?

And then he said, "But I know you love it as well, which is why you're good at it."

And so I asked, "How do I get better?"

And then we talked about sakubun (writing pieces) and I've been going to him for advice a lot and he told me that I was always welcome to do extra homework and so that's what I've been doing and it doesn't feel like homework to me, it's just fun and I really, really like doing it. I mean, it's for me. I want to be better, and I think it's fair for me to say that my Japanese teachers are key factors in making me want to be more. Y'know, just, more. I'm so speechlessly grateful for the time they take out of their day to encourage and do things for their students, it just astounds me and this is where my 1AM Reflection comes in (I wrote it on my ipod). It's all I can say and I'll copy it down here, but Mr G. especially has been nothing less than a role model and more than pretty much the best teacher I've ever had hands down. Who else would deal with a girl who asks too many questions???

1AM Reflection

I don't want to say something like "Japanese is the only subject I have/the only thing I'm good at." (I'm hesitant to use the term 'good' because honestly I still don't know everything about the English language; how can I dare to think I even know a lot about Japanese? The best thing to do is probably just understand what I know and what I don't know.)

Basically, on one hand, this is because I think what you're 'good' at is really just determined by your attitude towards it and how you approach it - I don't think, that by ourselves, we can measure what our best is. I believe there is so much potential in all of us, so much that in fact it becomes immeasurable. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of other people view Japanese or a subject in general as something only they 'have'. In the end, isn't it a matter of if your efforts gratify you or not? It makes you feel worthy because of the effort you put in and that's why you stick to it so much - which reinforces my point that 'goodness' is simply determined by your determination to do well.

I try hard because, well, yeah, I get happy if I'm considered 'good' at it. If I'm validated in my efforts. I like putting in the effort to achieve that gratification, but I'm also really in love with the language. This is said as a fact because I honestly believe I would not put so much of myself into it otherwise. Imagining all the people I'll be able to talk to; the culture which will open up to me, which I'll be able to explore...

I'm so grateful to those teachers who have helped me and taught me and I think I might be a little in love with them too, because they're both people I want to be when I'm an adult. They make me want to become a better person.

Also, storytellers are the best kind of people. I feel like they are the people who have just gotten so much out of life - and surely they'll get more - that they can't help but let those words touch other people: y'know, to achieve that and have that kind of special glint in your eyes when you tell your stories, that's something really wonderful. And the ability to inspire people - that's just crazy.

The highest praise and comment I can give is that I just want to be like them when I'm older.


and then it ended there because I was sleepy.

there was this one point also, when jap first started, there was this joke that my friend kept on making about us two being the "alpha"s and i was really uncomfortable because of that and i was just kinda hoping she'd stop making the joke until one day she said it and it was just really loud and my other friend looked at us in a kind of "ummm" way and said, "really guys?" and i kind of immediately was just like wait no!! no!!!!! it wasn't me who said it, i don't think i'm an 'alpha' like EVERYONE is trying really hard and it just like

well, i got angry at jam and i made it obvious that i didn't like the joke and felt like it was just really not good.. spirit?? you feel

anyway it was all good

i apologised after because i shouldn't have been so harsh and the angel just replied with, no it's okay, it's refreshing to see you angry.

i'm happy that we didn't have much of a big fight!

ANYWAY, i might continue this another day but I wanted to speak about another topic today ;;

yes it is time for my teenage shoujo life to come into play again /cough cough hahahhaa...a.a.. shoujo.....

but anyway,


the heart of a teenage girl.

so if i haven't established that i'm completely over canoe guy, then well, here it is. this is the sentence. take in in.


well, i am.

and do you remember jude?

not lady bug guy, or fish or ace or anyone else i may've nicknamed....

but yeah, that guy i called pretty in the spur of the moment when i was in that stage of "if u think anything nice you absolutely HAVE to say it HANDS DOWN, HANDS DOWN. HANDS. DOWN U GOT THAT PUNK??? NEED TO SAY IT NWEEDEENEDABAOSLUTELYNEEDEOTHERWISEHTEYWON'TFEELURFEELING--"


in that youngin' stage of mine (though i still hold to that belief very well and perhaps should apply it more often) - well, yeah. i guess i've always been kinda conscious of him because he was v. aesthetically pleasing and in that manner i'm shallow, but i'd always just kinda appreciated from afar because of the strong belief that 'wow i am a shy girl/he is popular=i am awkward, things like this will never end well' and y'know i'm still like that and it's just kind of hard to believe that relationships will be possible because i always work myself up too much, y'know, that whole thing with impulses /nods.

wow, just had a thought: isn't this SUCH a weird thing to be talking about after that whole seriousness of the above section? hehe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

well, i'll just scale things up to today (there's really only one thing that happened on that life-changing japanese trip that i can't believe i haven't written about yet.... but there's just... so much...... hey maybe my not writing it can be seen as how i'm just that speechless about what an experience it was........) -

there was this one time in japan where i was wearing my senpai (jam)'s hatsune miku hat and jude was on the trip as well and was like omg jesse is that hatsune miku and i looked at him and grinned and was like yeah it is! and was secretly pleasantly surprised he even knew what hatsune miku was???

anyway it was a nice, fleeting interaction and it's always those ones that make my day and always stick with me

today, for eng ext, i had to present with two friends let's call one buddy (because i used to talk to him about games and stuff when i was young...........) and the other jasmine because she's like princess jasmine from aladdin, she's really pretty!!

well our presentation was about psychoanalytical criticism

and at first i had a plan to make people laugh with this lil skit about freudan slips and it worked except i entered that rambling stage and was like "so yeah if i were a guy-- wait no, okay if i were a girl-- wait no i am a girl nevermind" and people laughed and i'm glad they laughed at my stumblings, but anyway, it came to my points about freud and how he was sexist and coined dubious things like "penis envy/oedipus complex/castration anxiety" and i kinda was like hmmm i don't feel comfortable saying the p word i mean like y'know so i just said peepee and passed it off as that and everyone began laughing and sir bro (teacher's name is that btw so i'll call him that) was like i don't know why you're fine with saying oedipus complex and castration anxiety but not peepee envy" and then i was like nah well if u wanna say it its fine and then he was like yeah okay tru and began talking to the class about how they should be mature about terms like the p word and how that shouldn't have laughed at my 'peepee' term and THEN he began naming like a bunch of genital uh parts and the class was just like omfg and i was just like omg sir and just turned away and was like i can't believe this like really uncomfortably and it was just really funny

anyway, after i did my explanation, i also had to mention that a feminist called Karen Horney challenged Freud's view and it was all going so well until buddy laughed and then everyone else laughed and me and sir bro were just like i can't believe this but also it was very amusing


squizz (i think i mentioned her before, she's a fellow src member and friend :D) commented how the "peepee" thing was the highlight of her day which was rly cute and i was like ;; i'm glad it made u laugh

and then, when i was in sac, she was like jesse i have something to tell u

and i was like ???? go ahead

and she was like it's not big or anything

and i was like haha go ahead man

and she was like okay well when i was laughing and stuff like everyone was laughing but i was looking at jude and he was laughing at everything you said and i just thought how cute you two would be together

and i kinda was like o...oh

because y'know?? maybe i thought about....... oh man this is so embarassing, but it's like u know, you ever think about something along the lines like "if we got together" and hhhh wow

look at me and my deep dark romantic side coming to the surface

actually no one's ever really said that to me before so it surprised me as well, aha, and i guess it made me happy? y'know, i guess it was something like wow someone thinks i can be in a relationship with someone else??

ugh is this a weirdly self-depricating train of thought??

i don't mean to put myself down but i don't really view it as putting myself down because that's how i've been thinking


odd right



  • me:

    we're gonna sing this at music camp

    we as in bec/sam/s'nay/me/kelly/possibly the others

    /sobs it is so beautiful.............. i feel like it describes me.... i belong..... with the lyrics..........

  • and i'm kind of ??? because i feel like ____がすき?? みたい な かんじ ですが........ but ah the life of a teenage girl...... shoujo........... i need to stop but with that thing, i've fangirled to claire about him a couple of times and so i've always been kinda ";;" around him and it's like u kno, things get u worked up and u???? am i making sense
  • cookie:

    omg jesse i love this song haha

    brandon used to sing it all the time

    it's alright, if you come to like him it's normal

    But I'm pretty sure he likes you in a friend liking way as well

    I guess you just need to talk to him a bit more hahaha
  • cookie:lol sure thing bro
  • me:

    you sound like an old woman bri-chi....... you sound like my mum..
  • cookie:

    ... slightly worrying
  • me:
    but // yeah..... that would be nice /insert happy emoticon


    u should always be slightly worried when ur around me
  • cookie

    you never know what could happen B)

The scary thing with me is that it is soo easy to work me up -- i feel like i CONNECT with that song i linked in cookie's convo, seriously

"Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down"

ME!!! but also the last verse is cute

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get yeah
I just haven't met you yet

what a cute right

there's also the fact that motherhen is calling this adorable and for some reason that makes me happy and well i don't want that to make me happy coz it can kinda pave way towards those feelies again esp coz i feel like in the back of my mind i will be holding onto a hope, that's just how i am with all my romantic notions and in the end i really do love the idea of things like that happening and i feel like i'm getting a bit vague

ah yes let's change back to the normal font

but anyway

going step by step and not over-thinking is probably the way to go, right? :)

so hopefully i'll be updating more soon!!! this is a new year after all, hehe. got to keep a record of my life B)

well, goodbye!!! have a beautiful day and i hope you smile lots today and tomorrow and always! smiling is good for ur face also oatmeal is love

also wow hey i'll be creating a new tag for jude 

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

entry 30

i am the asian to the right and my love is on the left
look at these awesome shoes man i'm so happy with them
photo-booth funtimes B)
the formal was held at our school in the citadel and i am/was completely okay with that (i think i preferred it to the beach, where it was supposed to be held)

it was actually... amazingly enjoyable. i honestly wasn't sure what to expect at first because it'd probably be just me sitting around while other people danced and i'd just be off to the side with my friends kinda bored, but that judgement was so wrong because dude, dancing was SO FUN like if anyone out there is having a sort of dance/social party thing goin' on, i recommend you to just let your body loose and just bop to the beat, y'feel? it's so fun when you get "lost in the music" sort of thang, and it was just amazing, so many compliments were given and so many were received, this really sweet asian - we can call her mychonny - she said i was beautiful and reminded her of ariana grande and osborne said he liked my dress and disney princess becca just... /shakes head at her it was really nice she told me i danced like a rockstar and she was just adorable and spouting compliments - it was all sorts of nice feelies, the whole couple of hours.

the food was GREAT it was like this sort of... really nicely seasoned chicken??? i swear i've tasted something similar to it before at my own house but i can't say for certain - it was a tangy, sour-ish taste but a beautiful flavour man, and pita bread and tabouleh and salad and a falafel and i still have no idea what the heckiedangle those things are made of so let me just--

Falafel (/fəˈlɑːfəl/Arabicفلافل‎, [fæˈlæːfɪl] ( )) is a deep-fried ball or patty made from ground chickpeasfava beans, or both. Falafel is a traditional Middle Eastern food, usually served in a pita, which acts as a pocket, or wrapped in a flatbread known as lafa; "falafel" also frequently refers to a wrapped sandwich that is prepared in this way. The falafel balls are topped with salads, pickled vegetableshot sauce, and drizzled with tahini-based sauces. Falafel balls may also be eaten alone as a snack or served as part of a meze (appetizers).
Falafel is a common dish eaten throughout the Middle East. The fritters are now found around the world as a replacement for meat and as a form of street food.

praise wiki


it was nice.

the photos before the actual formal was awesome because it was when you first saw everyone and when you walk along with your formal battle-armour on, you feel like a champion BD seriously, you feel great because you were all prettied up for this and it's a nice feeling, dressing up, despite the fact that dress shopping has to be one of satan's favourite hobbies because it sure as hell isn't one of mine more like after i got mine; every dress store i looked at, i looked at them as though they were summoned from the seventh circle of hell (it took me hours to find a dress that i thought i liked and even after buying it, i was just dead inside from having to spend so much time doing that when i could be playing dragon age or something) and i just fled at the sight of every clothes store after that and wanted it over and done with

anyway, the photos

that was when my excitement really picked up because everyone looked so beautiful and it was like yes aWESOME!!! I GET TO SPEND MY TIME WITH ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!! IT'S GONNA BE SO FUN

and it WAS really fun, like, god, i would do it again

which i guess may be saying something because i thought i hated dances like this but this dance, this social/formal was so worth everything

and then came the after-party, which began at 11 and ended at 3 - my friends and i only stayed until 12:30

i got the award for most kawaii, and that was interesting

the ride to the after-party was pretty funny

za's mum was dropping us off and we were trying to find the location when we saw these shirtless dudes walking down the street heading towards somewhere and they were going to this house and za's mum was like hm well those boys can't be heading towards the party, i mean they're not part of your year are they

and za was just like ...... ha....ha...,,f, they are....

and we all just kinda looked at each other then and i felt this little tug of apprehension because ????? like okay then

the moment i entered the house there was that smell

alcohol, y'know? it was easy to guess there'd be alcohol but it was already so potent at the start of the party it was, well, not really surprising but yeah. my bro's part of the house (s'hard to explain but his room/computer room/toilet/lounge are located in this part of the house??) often smells like that when he has pre-drinks with his friends - just a note but my friends and i didn't drink anything, promise you that

my friends and i, after hanging around this lil tree that i was standing in front of which kept poking at my pits with its lil branches, headed towards a more secluded area - a garden - to just sit down and kinda maybe brANCH (huehue) off from the rowdy, drunk people who gathered more near the house

a few moments i remember have to do with osborne; we talked a bit near the bushes about the reports we got and stuff and that was cool and i'm kinda sure he was sober?? then we headed to the gardens and he came over with his friends and was like jesse u should mingle and i think i said something along the lines of nah man it's cool not very good at mingling but i also said something like 'too cool to hang with u soz bro' and he was like aw man my respect for u just went down jesse, i thought u were a nice funny chick but now i'm not so sure and i was like soz man i don't know what to say to that and he left and that was interesting but then i turned to my friends and kinda just furrowed my brows and was like, was he drunk?

that was possibly my first interaction with a drunk friend /nods

and then apad (we'll call him that) came over and well SUPER drunk but after a while of cautious conversation on my end, he began talking about how he regretted doing what he did and he asked me to make sure he didn't drink any more but then apologized for the serious talk and i just wanted to really reinforce how much i didn't mind talking to him even if he were drunk, but i'm not sure he got the message

anyway, i was worried for him during the party and once he asked me which way to get out of the gardens was safer - over the fence or up the stairs and we decided the stairs were safer and i offered to escort him up but he said no because he'd probs trip and take me down with him and i was just like... are... are you sure man?? like i really don't mind and he said it's okay and i just kinda pursed my lips and was like well, if you're sure... anyway, i was worried and i honestly really hope he's feeling okay right now and he's not in too much trouble

after that, random people came and went to talk to us / hang around and it was cool because i talked to a few people i never really talked to before

then, when we were leaving, osborne was like oh you guys are leaving? and we were like yeah and he was like oh and high fived me and was like it was fun dancing with u and the cookie and i was like yeah man, it was :D and it was cool

i only wish i remembered to check up on apad and say bye to him, but yeah!

the day was certainly jam-packed and a fascinating experience /nods

year 11 is on its way and iunno if i'm prepared

we'll see /wishes everyone luck in their schooling endeavours

also dragon age inquisition is heart-breaking and fantastic and wonderful and i've romanced cullen but like SOLAS.


SOLAS U EGG NERD I'M CRYING because his romance is so beautiful whereas cullen is the kinda typical cute kinda one?? but solas is all deep and it's V SAD and V PLOT-TWISTY AND MAN

inquisition is the best

i am a year eleven

have a beautiful day readers!!! i hope a stranger returns ur smile today or like smiles at u in a non-creepy way or like a smile... u smile... i hope u smile lots today :D

-jesse out B)

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

entry 29.5

so... this is just gonna be a tiny lil update bcoz dragon age inquisition is coming out tomorrow i can't even stress how excited i am god, my only worry is that my bro's graphic's card may not be able to handle inquisition graphics B( but also today was really awesome!!!

in pe, we had to do this netball assessment thing where basically it's not even netball, u just use a netball and there are two teams and your goal is to pass the ball to your teammates ten times without any outside interference -

okay, so, jude was in my team and also this really rad friend i made in src let's call her jasmine from aladdin because she looks like her and she's super cool


i was free and jude had the ball and well okay maybe i wasn't so free but this person was tryin' ta block me but i had kind of gotten out of their grasp, but anyway jude looked at me and then looked at jasmine and decided to pass it to jasmine but someone from the other team quickly hurried to intercept the ball so i grabbed it and the score hit 9 and then i passed it to jasmine and the score hit 10 and that was a point for our team


IT WAS REALLY COOL BECAUSE JUDE WAS LIKE oiiii nice jesse!! and highfived me and i was like so happy i grinned and high fived him back and it was so cool /sob

yeah that's it

i WILL write about japan soon





Monday, 17 November 2014

entry 29

so today i realised i was proud of myself :)))) (though i'm not proud of the fact that i haVE NOT RETOLD THE STORIES OF JAPAN BECAUSE THAT WAS LIKE THE BEST WEEKS OF MY LIFE AND I HAVEN'T BOTHERED TO WRITE ABOUT THEM??? when the holiday comes i swear to god i will write about it all, i'm gonna stick a post-it note to my toilet so every time i go take a dump it's staring at me and i get uncomfortable and inclined to actually do it)

and, well, it was interesting coz this is kind of a week of stress for me. i have this science presentation to wing, a pe dance to follow up on because i didn't get to do it before japan and now my pe teacher looks at me with this meaningful look that makes me nervous, i have a maths test on wednesday and a drama script to memorise seeing as i have this kind of main role as this kid called Billie who acts like a pirate - and this is for Youth Theatre and we're gonna go performing around random primary schools in a couple of weeks, so I SHOULD really get onto those...

and also dragO NAGEG INQUSITUINTON COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS /SCREAMS. 3 days could not be any longer, I swear. it's a kind of pleasurable pain, you know? ;v; /wistful sigh. so close yet so far.

but today i found out that i got the highest mark in my class for my japanese presentation and i was really happy, hehe. it was funny because during the presentation, i panicked and paused during my speech (it was this speech about a monster you have to make up - describing the monster's personality and appearance - i came up with this rabbit thing that had lots of legs and ate children after drinking orange juice at the park - like imagine this lil cute rabbit thang popping up from behind the bushes but as the bush trembles and it begins to reveal itself you get the feeling that something is horribly wrong and BAM THE LIL BUNNY HAS A THOUSAND SPIDER LEGS/ENEMONIE (sp????) LIKE LEGS AND CHILLS RUN DOWN YOUR BACK AND SUDDENLY IT NYOOMS TOWARDS YOU WITH LIGHTNING SPEED and ur ded

yeah that was my monster

but anyway i got nervous and me and my friends were talking about nervous habits one day and she said that i had the habit of jumping around/releasing my energy in that way and i was like ye and well that's what i did like i began jumping around and going "holD ON I KNOW THIS" and everyone laughed and i was happy that people laughed and well yeah that happened

and today we were given our marks and that dude jude was like sir who got the top mark and sir was like well.. no one..... but jesse got the highest at 19.5 and za was like did she lose half a mark because she started jumping and everyone laughed again and sir was like yes that (but it was because i paused) but hehe i'm okay with that!!!!

i've also been exercising and getting better at holding my times and extending the time on the treadmill - my highest that i can recount is going at 10km 3% incline for around 7 mins non-stop? and then my highest speed is 11km but at like either 5% incline or 2% but either way, i'm proud. I can also do push ups now with relative ease and i'm very happy, i just gotta learn how to do the triangle push-up things but yeah. i'm really happy.

i haven't been updating much and partly, that's due to so many things happening at the same time but you know, even the friendly-acquaintance stories - i used to be so "CRAP I HAVE TO UPDATE!! SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAY!!!" but y'see things like this have been happening so often that i haven't had time to update and that's an interesting thing to note, i reckon, hehe. i'll see what i can do about sharing them as they pop up though!!

also SRC CAMP:

this huge wall of text is a summary, good luck to anyone who'd even wanna read it all:


src camp was AMAZING!!!!!


01/11/2014 22:28
Omg... angel
not angel
anyone but angel haha
01/11/2014 22:29
yeah, claire called me up yesterday at

midnight and we talked and i researched

some things and we came up with ways to

go about comforting her
whaaaat angel is so cute!
01/11/2014 22:30
I'm glad she has people who she can

depend on. You guys are the best haha
she's an interesting character
did you get closer to the girl reps?
01/11/2014 22:30
yeah, and i'm really glad everyone in the

year is so caring!
i... i think i did............ it was



like at night we were all talking about

"girl stuff" you know and i was kinda

silent coz they all had their inside

jokes and i did admittedly feel kinda

like a third wheel and it was weird coz i

felt more comfortable with the guys than

the girls
01/11/2014 22:32
Yeah, I see what you mean
I should have said something to liz

asking to include you a bit more
Well at least you have made closer

01/11/2014 22:32
i ended up telling them about canoe guy

and they were telling me about their

experiences and stuff and they ended up

fangirling so hard about my story and

shiz and we all ended up talking about

how my group was kinda isolated and it

was really nice because they all were so

enthusiastic about wanting the other

people in the year to get to know my

group better
01/11/2014 22:33
hehe oh bri-chi you are just beautiful
we did warm and fuzzies
if you were there i think i would've run

out of paper with the things i have to

say B)))))))))))))))))
01/11/2014 22:35
i think one of the sweetest things that

was said to me on my warm and fuzzies was

how omoiyari said he truly considered me

a mate and that he was thankful for that

i was reading it on the way home and i

teared up and then when i got home i was

like you know i still have so many things

to say, my warm and fuzzy was kinda short

so let's write a lil letter thing
01/11/2014 22:35
so now i have a lil letter to give

omoiyari /nods coz there was that time in

japan when he asked me to help him with

his self intro and i felt so honoured and

that one time when i was in his intro

drama class and i told him he was like my

bro but didn't expand on it so i think he

got weirded out but in my letter i

explained what i meant
01/11/2014 22:36
so it's all g now /nods
also i became the src secretary
i have to take minutes and everything and

honestly it's pretty intense

01/11/2014 22:37
Omg, they all sound so nice QQ
like a beautiful family
you guys are all really close now and

that's so good
01/11/2014 22:38
yeah and MM tenshi and squiz was like

jesse u have to USE ur connections
01/11/2014 22:38
warm and fuzzies make me cry
aawww, and you and omoiyari
01/11/2014 22:39
and squiz was like ur friends with

brianna right and i was like yeah i love

bri and they were like USE HER and i was

like what?????????????? so heads up???? i

don't really know what they meant but

they said i had to exploit connections
01/11/2014 22:39
I'm sure he'd be touched by your letter
01/11/2014 22:39
!! AND the reason i went for secretary in

the first place
was because omoiyari actually said he

thought i'd make a good secretary
01/11/2014 22:39
omg...... use me...
Jesse Tran
01/11/2014 22:39
and told me about it and stuff and i was

really surprised
01/11/2014 22:39
u s  e m e
01/11/2014 22:39
yeah i was like...... what??? and they

were like use ikemen as well
and i was like ????????????????????
01/11/2014 22:40
u s e    m e hahahaa
i'm so proud of you QQ
Such a big job
01/11/2014 22:41
yeah, today i spent the day compiling the

minutes and i finished and i'm happy
deputybro is my lil deputy secretary bro

he's so cool man
01/11/2014 22:42
omg deputybro
he's so swag
and cool
and kool
and swag
01/11/2014 22:42
yeah, he played the guitar
we had a karaoke night
01/11/2014 22:42
do you have to do that every week?
did you sing
01/11/2014 22:43
yeah i do
yeah i did but it was group singing B)
although the camp was this huge

conference of ideas and there was just

so i think in the little meetings,

there'll be a tad less work to do
01/11/2014 22:45
aww, you should have gone solo
and awed everyone with your singing

did you get closer to dbunks and cbell?
01/11/2014 22:46
squizz was constantly hinting at it but

we all sang together anyway B)
01/11/2014 22:46
and did you share the 2 ply toilet paper

01/11/2014 22:46
yeah it was so cool!! ACTUALLY CBELL


01/11/2014 22:46
01/11/2014 22:46
apparently the src have been trying to

get two ply ever since
it's just never happened and it's not a

main priority so i guess we'll see what

happens LOL
01/11/2014 22:47
omg yasss my dreams are coming true
:< so sad
01/11/2014 22:47
LOL finally, you get to wipe ur butt with

silky smoothness
dw i may be able to smuggle some 2 ply

just for u
01/11/2014 22:47
thanks, that would be appreciated
and maybe some scented thingos in the

01/11/2014 22:47
i didn't talk to dbunks much but i defs

talked to cbell more and we sat next to

each other and it was pretty funny there

were jokes
his warm and fuzzie to me was also super

nice /sob
maybe some scented hand crafted soap
01/11/2014 22:48
made from goats milk
01/11/2014 22:49



and yeah that should be a summary and the names are censored like usual. hopefully. omoiyari told me the letter was beautiful and it was really funny hehe. and there's more to come later, but i should get ready for school tomorrow!

bye friends, i hope smiles light up all ur pretty faces and everything good happens to you!!


also i've introduced katie to oatmeal AND dragon age and she loves both /CACKLES MANIACALLY

ah, oatmeal <3

my friends ellie and claire made a bet i'd get sick of oatmeal by next year but i won't

just u guys see


Wednesday, 15 October 2014

entry 28

so this kinda just made my day, yeah:

Jesse Tran 18:15
today i SHIPPED ELLIE AND [SN] SO HARD Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran BASICALLY Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran ellie and ruby were sitting on the table and ruby was moving her legs up and down and [osborne] and [SN] were talking to each other and ellie was like ruby stop moving ur legs (coz it was shaking the table) and ruby kept doing it and then [SN] held out his leg to stop her and i was like /sob Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran i ship them so hard they were also sassing each other Brianna Nguyen 18:18 Brianna Nguyen Omg [SN] [osborne] is probably one of the nicest guys in the year Btw he voted for you Jesse Tran 18:42 Jesse Tran YES [SN] Brianna Nguyen 18:42 Brianna Nguyen never imagined tht couple Jesse Tran 18:42 Jesse Tran /SOB don't tell me these things i'm gonna cry because he's so nice THEY ARE ADORABLE TOGETHER THEIR SASS IS PERF and like i don't know who but ellie said she liked someone and claire ruby and i were just sobbing over how cute it was Brianna Nguyen 18:44 Brianna Nguyen Oh yeah she told us at harriet's party that she likes someone but she wouldn;t tell us who Jesse Tran 18:47 Jesse Tran yeah ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:47 Brianna Nguyen [osborne] said he's already friends with you btw Jesse Tran 18:48 Jesse Tran today we confirmed that she actually did like someone (because i wasn't there at haz's party) and she had this super cute smile on her face ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:48 Brianna Nguyen Omg seriouslyyy do you have any ideas Jesse Tran 18:50 Jesse Tran i whaT SERIOUSLY REALLY I WAS AFRAID TO CALL HIM A FRIEND BECAUSE I WASN't SURE /CRIES Brianna Nguyen 18:50 Brianna Nguyen hhaaha I asked him who he voted for and he's like "I voted jesse first because she's my friend and she's really nice to me" Jesse Tran 18:52 Jesse Tran today in drama it was pretty funny we messed up at this one bit like [osborne] had to carry one block and i had to carry the other but for some reason there was no blocks left for me to carry and i was like wth what is happening and [osborne] was like omg and i was like omg wait [osborne] is this your fault and he was like what no ruby got the other block and i was like omg ruby why and then i was like dammit [osborne] this is why we can't have nice things Jesse Tran 18:53 Jesse Tran BRI REALLY Jesse Tran 18:53 Jesse Tran /sCREECHES ALSO TODAY in english i had to steal a chair for chanse and i went to the other side of the room and stole a chair and asked the nearest person if it was okay and it was [osborne] and he was like omg i don't know i don't sit there and i was like tru soz bro and it was cool ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:53 Brianna Nguyen hahhaa [osborne] your new best friend? Jesse Tran 18:54 Jesse Tran sorry i'm just getting excited /rolls on you ooh i have no idea who ell likes though
LOL yes Brianna Nguyen 18:54 Brianna Nguyen dw [osborne] is a kool dude and he's so nice to [osborne's gf - we'll call her cookie junior!!] OOoo whoo Jesse Tran 18:55 Jesse Tran i'm so happy!!!! ;a; (AND THEY ARE ADORABLE I SHIP IT HARD) Brianna Nguyen 18:55 Brianna Nguyen hahahhaa a lot of people voted for you I can;t Jesse Tran 18:56 Jesse Tran but i'm shipping ell and sam so hard so that's a thing for me rn




SO, many things have happened since my last update and i should really remind myself to update sooner, because these events just keep pilin' up

i'll list some key events/stuff/thoughts here:

  • i'm in the src
  • i went to japan (aka my long-time dream)
  • in japan i made lots of new friends!!!!
  • i've started cooking
  • exercising has seriously become my new thang
  • 36 days until dragon age: inquisiton
  • i've become extremely inclined to make a resume and apply for a job
  • i got my subject selections for year 11 back
actually wait let me make a kind of list for the structure of this post
firstly, i'll talk about being in the src
secondly, i'll talk about japan and attempt to tell you all about my experiences (or that might be in an entirely separate post because there's sO much to write)
thirdly, i'll talk about exercising/cooking and job-hunting

aCTUALLY, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT JAPAN IN A DIFFERENT POST BECAUSE GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVE TO COVER (to give u teasers; joudan/sekushii dayo/ikemen/placenta/commander rolls/free cd/puns/okonomimura/hiroshima train trip/relay/:DDD/frozen/hatsune miku hat/etc = look at jap diary)


a few months ago i told someone they had a nice silhouette and they looked at me funny

a few days ago okay, so, i was putting on some shorts coz it was hot when i looked down and BAM like i was already wearing shorts??? AND IT WAS SO SURPRISING I ACTUALLY LET OUT THIS LITTLE EXCLAMATION OF SURPRISE AND I DOUBLE-CHECKED THE SHORTS IN MY HANDS AND I WAS LIKE DEAR BABY jeSUS ON WHEELS??? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? HOW DID I FORGET I WAS ALREADY WEARING PANTS??????

i was a bit worried after that

21 Jumpstreet is such a good movie - me and my bro were discussing it and he agreed and was like "you have to be mature to laugh at its immaturity" and it's very true but despite all that, the witty one liners are amazing

today i went to an SRC meeting

and i'm still really grateful about being chosen but also feeling kinda hnggh because i see my friend, yas, who is just always putting herself out there and helping people - heck she even got the year award last year!! and like she's AMAZING and she didn't get onto the committee and she could've done so much and she would've been absolutely beautiful as an src and i just, i, i guess... i don't know.... how do i explain this feeling? i guess i just really want people to recognize her kindness and potential and beauty because otherwise it'd be such a waste

being chosen to become src made me think about a lot of things, like - could i handle it? would i even be a good representative? and i think i was a little overwhelmed when they announced who the src were because it was at that time that those thoughts hit me and i realised that i just volunteered to be on the src as an admittedly selfish act of wanting to get to know people? like, i wasn't really thinking about how i'd help out the school or if i actually had the dedication set aside time to deal with SRC responsibilities - don't get me wrong, i signed up for this and i'm passionate about wanting to help, honestly i want to do my best so bad and be a good src, but yeah - those were my thoughts. what i mean by "the selfishness of wanting to get to know people" is that technically, the desire of actually wanting to become an SRC member were influenced by the fact that all i wanted to do was be able to face the whole year and try to show them another side of me?

i think i have a thing where i constantly feel the need to prove myself in one way or another and this was one way i thought i could do that

if i sound conceited, or anything similar, i'm sorry

to summarize that lil wall of text, i think what i was conflicted about was whether or not i really deserved this spot

but i think i've gotten over that - what's done is done but also i know myself and i know that i'll really try to do my best

so, anyway, i went to an SRC meeting.

my third, to be exact :D

at first, i was kind of apprehensive because you see, there are 6 people on the src along with myself, representing our year: three are girls, three are boys. there's ikemen, bell -- have i mentioned him before?? i'm sure i have somewhere, but i can't seem to find him in my previous posts but hey oh well -- and dbunks. for girls, it's me, MM and squizza. obviously, all those names are not the real names of those alongside me in the src. there are also two regional reps from my year who are absolutely beautiful - omoiyari and tenshi - omoiyari is shoko's (my host sister!!) favourite word in japanese meaning a person who thinks about others and tenshi means angel. omoiyari is a dude, tenshi is a gal!

anyway, i was apprehensive because MM and squizza are both really good friends, ikemen is friends with them and bell, bell is friends with squizza and dbunks. dbunks is friends with squizza and MM and ikemen and bell and pretty much everyone, and well - everyone is connected in some way or another and are close, and then there's me who hasn't really interacted /properly/ with most of them at all, so i kind of felt 'ehhh....' like, well, y'know how it is, feeling a bit like a third wheel? - but i decided not to dwell on it because i knew it didn't matter and i was just overthinking/worrying too much again, and that i'd be able to come friends with them so long as i tried - and that's still my plan!!

the first two meetings were debriefs about what the SRC was about and what we'd be doing (we're going on a camp in week 4 - i have no idea what week it is right now tbh) but yeah, those were really cool and those actually were probably a tad more formal than what it was like today - i didn't talk much at those meetings: at the first one, the eight of us were all sitting apart, and the second one we did kind of sit together but we couldn't face each other well because we were kind of clumped --

but today!!

today was really fun!!!



it began with an explanation of a few of the main positions of SRC - those being chairperson, secretary, treasurer + more i can't really remember - and then it delved into a powerpoint about leadership and being in a group and what kind of group member you are - IDEA aka Imaginer/Designer/Evaluator/Act-er.

then, there was the little exercise called knots. it was really weird and it got uncomfortably intimate and my group didn't manage to get untangled but hey, at least we made progress B) it was really funny and cool hehe

anyway, i was sitting next to ikemen during the meeting and we exchanged some small talk/inside jokes and i felt a lot more comfortable with him there tbh because i hung out with him in japan and we were already friends (just not super friends, y'know? but friend friends!!) and i also managed to talk to the others and make them laugh and it was really nice

omoiyari and tenshi are the regional reps, as i stated before, and gosh they are just amazing - they were the ones who were showing us that powerpoint presentation and all throughout it, i was getting the feels because wow respect they are both such good people and hhhh

after the meeting, bell and i (we've spoken before briefly and he's an awesome person who at one point defended me in this group of gamers which i was added to WHICH mostly comprises of boys and those boys were like wait why's jesse in this group and bell defended me and it was really sweet and cool and well the gist of it is that he's cool) were waiting for omoiyari and tenshi to finish up -

i actually interacted a lot with omoiyari in japan and it was so cool, he's such a cool person as well WOW THERE'S SO MANY COOL PEOPLE HHH And well i helped him out with his self intro in japan and talked to him and made jokes (i remember one funny thing. basically, the luggage i brought to japan was my bro's and it was HUGE it was the biggest out of all the ones brought to japan and everyone was making jokes about how i was the smallest person in the entire group and i brought the largest suitcase and omoiyari was like jesse seriously i have to take a photo of you and that suitcase because this is hilarious and well we talked and it was so cool and fun and yeah!!). the amount of interaction i have with tenshi is limited, but she's really sweet and she's super friendly and she's gr8.

anyway, i was waiting for omoiyari and tenshi to finish talking to the teacher because they're in our english class and i was talking to bell and i told him about the story about my pants and he cracked up laughing and was like how do you even do that??? like couldn't you feel your pants??? and i was like YEAH dude I KNOW LIKE that's why it was so worrisome and then tenshi and omoiyari came out and omoiyari was like what's this? so i told the story again and omoiyari and tenshi laughed and omoiyari was like omg jesse that's classic and i was like hehehehehehe (translation: i'm so happy i can make u laugh like wow u guys are actually laughing and i'm talking to u guys and /sob this is SO cool) and then we all began talking and that's when bell went off to pee and so tenshi, omoiyari and i were walking to class and we were talking about the english homework and neither had submitted it when it was due but i already had and he was like wow jesse, ace student and i was like huehue yep, gonna get that a+ man and that led to omoiyari saying he thought i'd be a good secretary *with an added "just sayin'"* (previously, he talked about how he took up the position before and how it wasn't what he expected - there's not much talking and it's suited for people who are the listener type etc) and i was like I GOT FLUSTERED AND MY CHEEKS WENT WARM AND I WAS LIKE wasdwea dweLL u KNOW i think MM would be good for that position, i mean, she was saying she'd go for it 

and he looked at me and was like aw c'mon jesse, i think going for it would be really good and then tenshi was like yeah i agree and she began telling us a story about how she went up against some random people back when she was in src last year and how she got this spot and omoiyari was like yeah, and i think a lot of people - the ones who know you - would definitely back you up you know

and i don't know, i guess i was just really touched because i don't know, i guess that omoiyari even thought that and just how nice they were and they were just so welcoming and friendly and encouraging and warm? i don't know but gosh they were beautiful so i ended up trying to return the favour and tell them what i thought about them (what i wrote about earlier, how tenshi was an angel and how omoiyari was just really cool and how i had reSPECT for both of them like heck yeah!!) and they laughed and tenshi told me how she was actually nervous going up and speaking and i was like what seriously?? like i didn't even notice

and well

it was awesome

i'm so happy to be in the src and to get to know these beautiful people and i'm looking forward to spending more time with them hehe

change of topic

and apparently, change of font??? sorry the font suddenly changed because i pressed enter twice and idk

anyway, cooking. ever since coming back from japan, i just had an intense urge to catch up on all the exercise i couldn't do and cooking was one good way to control what i ate and it's level of healthiness - and thus, i have been cooking. :D


sheisse what the heckiedoodle why is the font changing??


oh well

exercising is amazing

i have to exercise soon

but i've been really happy with myself man, maybe after i exercise i'll take a photo of my ABS HECK YEAH and just post a wip shot or something iunno i'm just excited

as a record for myself:

as of 15/10/14, i can run approx 4km in a span on 30 minutes, at an average of 9km/h - lowest point being 8km (starting point til 10 min milestone) and highest being 10km (last 4 minutes).

i can do 200 hanging leg raises - 10 sets of 20 or 8 sets of 20 and 2 sets of ten
i can do 3 reps of 20 full decline sit-ups + 20 russian twists, both with a 5kg weight

and of course there are those other lil workouts i have at home but yeah those are what i tend to do at the gym, which i go to now with my bro


oatmeal is still really yummy

everyone i'm gonna give u my recipe that accounts to approx 540 calories

so cook as much oats as u want (i use 4 - 5 tablespoons of oats)

when it's finished, add:
11 almonds
20 raisins
half an apple
3 tablespoons of greek yoghurt
and whatever sugar you want although i recommend coconut sugar or brown sugar or no sugar at all (keep in mind that greek yoghurt is sour tho)

and yeah that's the recipe, just mix it together and voila you've made heaven


i've been writing for an hour straight, no kidding so maybe later i'll come back with more updates

so bye for now!!!

i hope you guys have a wonderful day! :D

and everything about this post is a mess i mean look at its godforsaken format holy crapplesnack i don't know what's happening goodbye