Friday, 15 April 2016

entry 36

it's really interesting y'know

so the update i was supposed to make was basically just gonna be a recount of how i showed the costs of scholarship etc to the university i want to get into to my parents, and when i showed it to my dad it surprised me because it felt like he was really taking me seriously, he looked at it and said yeah, if you get this scholarship or this one, we can afford to send you there.

and for me that kind of felt as if he was was putting belief into what i wanted to do related to japanese and even trust into me for going overseas by myself, it's a huge decision and having my parents' support for it, despite their worries which can get a little ~~ sometimes, well, it made me happy.

the whole drama from before, what has it been, a few months yeah? WOAH 2015. WELL HAPPY NEW YEAR LOL wow i didn't update for a long time!!! well, it kind of just... died down. i guess everything passes and so did this, and who knows if it'll arise again.

but anyway, referring to 'what's interesting'...

family dynamics!

i'd like to just write out some interesting thoughts and stuff i've had on that.

reader, does your family eat dinner together very often? probably an equal amount do and don't, or, well, i'm not too sure. my family doesn't but i've been going to motherhen's house and seeing the type of family that does, and it makes me so happy. hearing such uplifting nonchalant chatter makes me so happy and even more so being involved in it makes bonding feel so important and before i might've actually believed and told you that family might not mean that much to me, save for individuals in the family who i could get along with.

family is an interesting concept to many people and it might be a barely-there concept or something incredibly obvious. to me, i guess, for a girl who experiences eating dinner with family as either 1) for special occasions and jolly when everyone's in a good mood (a bit rare nowadays, especially with my bro's leave to sydney), 2) just me and another family member either my dad or mum sitting there in silence while i eat and they go on their phone so i bring out my phone too, or until one of us makes some kind of small talk, or 3) me and my parents together in an awkward silence because my parents don't get along well with each other. either my mum makes small talk and dad says something in his blunt way and then there's an awkward silence. not really sure how to explain it properly to convey how kind of saddening it can be to me, and even then i'm not sure if i'm making a big deal out of the fact i find it disheartening or if it maybe is a little to other people, i'm not really sure.

it made me think about having my own family someday, and what eating dinner with that family would be like. right now, because everyone works and comes home at different times or dad goes to sydney, we all eat dinner separately and it's just become a thing that i make myself dinner and go to my computer, and mum makes her dinner separately when she comes home at ten and eats in the lounge, or dad's absence during dinner times or him eating dinner at random patterns whether in the kitchen or in the lounge or etc.

i don't know, i guess i had this weird worry that maybe my own family would be like that or maybe i'd be so used to doing things individually that i wouldn't properly be able to have some kind of family-bonding dinner session like other families can have, but i already know it, and i've been told it, that if i want something it i can make it happen and just because i grew up with it and my parents are like x and y, it doesn't mean i'll become like my parents.


anyway, those were ramblings that had been on my mind lately.

also that bonding is a good thing but it can be difficult? i don't know... my dad often goes to sydney and sometimes invites me but in those times i usually answer that i have homework and am busy.

i guess for me... it's not that i haven't gotten along with family in sydney but i definitely feel more comfortable if either my bro or cousin are there with me on the trip to sydney, instead of just me and my dad, and me left to be with those sydney relatives. my dad invited me to go to dinner with his sister and him today.... and like... with that invitation he was like, but you're busy with your own life huh? and i was like mm... i was planning to do homework today... and he was like ya bye and i was like bye...

and i know it's the holidays and stuff and i do balance work vs social life but...

that "busy with your own life" line prompted me to think of where i'll be next year, at university and in japan and I'LL GET THERE JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE, I'LL GET THERE OK. but anyway it made me think of how limited time there actually was and the importance of making the most of it.

i love the atmosphere when everyone in my family is happy and we're all getting along and i definitely want more of it but i guess it's that awkward side of me that fears how easy it is to get upset or feel disconnection with e.g sometimes my parents? even though they mean a lot to me and i respect both of them, it's easy to lose sight of that i guess because we don't always get along and don't make those chances, even though for me i can see how i could make those chances by accepting invitations to go to sydney etc...

i'm not asking for advice, i think, i'm just... kind of figuring out my thoughts about this. i do that a lot by writing, i think, which is why for my eng ext 2 work i'm writing a suite of poetry about, it's gonna sound cheesy but, "the actions of people which have had a transformative effect on the person i am today" and it's split into categories of parents, brother, teacher, friends and myself.


on a different note,

school has been going awesomely!!! half yearlies are over and i did try my best and i'm happy with my results and it just shows that if you do try your best, you will improve and won't regret anything. then you can use those results and the mistakes you made to just learn more and improve, and that's more inspiring than anything.

i'll probably have more to update you on later but this is all i can think of for now :)

but hey, i'll leave you guys with a quote!!!

"You don't write because you want to say somethingyou write because you have something to say."


Saturday, 19 December 2015

entry 35

[low key screaming]

i'm really tired man
came back from an AWESOME camping trip today but basically we swam so much and body-boarding is actually so fun and i've come to appreciate the safety of lit roads and stable ground after walking to 海's house at 9pm and coming back down a cliff and feeling like a baby deer the whole way squatting and tightly sweatily gripping 海's offered hand and arriving back at the campsite at 11

save me from hell

ummm so on another note

things have been hectic, i guess

even just now, writing it up here like this makes me tired but not in that physical way /sigh

i guess i'll start from the start seeing as i'll have to as i haven't posted anything about it here or really, anything at all on here, in ages

so it began probably the day before i went to the doctors one day with a container of oatmeal at the ready for morning travels because i'm dedicated to my oatmeal

but the night before there was some kind of fight between my parents just over something really silly like it usually is and in the car on the way to the doctors my mum was the driver and she as always after these kind of things she was like, "do u see how he treats me jesse??' and i was like yea....... but like usually what i used to say was "all you have to do is just like talk to him??? try not to rise to his anger and just talk calmly???" because the fault lies in both in that they allow things to escalate so much with their words

and then mum kind of shut up and after a while she told me this thing that was perfect in time for module a of exams with english - 'discovery'

iunno man trigger alert if ur having family issues or something or you just don't really want to deal with this kind of stuff but i learnt that my dad cheated on my mum and left the family when bro was 5 and it still feels like to me that i make a big deal out of it sometimes but on the other hand the interaction between my mum and my dad affect me and my brother a great deal so maybe i'm justified

but basically when i found that out i was just so disappointed

of course my mum was like 'yeah but if there's one thing i can't fault him for it's him trying to provide for you and joey so don't get angry at ur dad u have to stay the same' and i was like :////  [angst intensifies] and iunno i just felt kinda :/ especially because like i can see how mum probably can't bring herself to try and communicate with dad when he never made the effort for her

i don't really know how her complaints went in full chronological order but they just made me so sad and angry at dad, and she also confided in me one of the things that dad said to her about having a 'second daughter' with that woman he cheated on before, and apparently he said this to her during this time when -- i don't think i ever mentioned it here? it's all a blur to me because i don't know it was a bad time --- but i used to like, scratch myself? they weren't full cuts but i used to try to injure myself and during that time apparently my mum and dad had a big fight and one thing i remember was crying in front of our christmas tree and mum leaving for work angrily and dad gone and joey coming in to try and cheer me up and saying something akin to 'if you think dad will care about what you're doing you're wrong, you just need to show him you're not affected'

but anyway dad said that he didn't care what happened to me if i killed myself or whatnot because he had a second daughter anyway

and mum said she couldn't forgive him for that

so in that car ride to the doctors i was just kind of like haha oh because i guess it just forced me to see things in a different perspective like 'ah that's why bro said that to me' and i began to really just :/ at my dad

i found that i still was grateful for everything that dad has done for me

but those actions of his do not justify the abuse that has constantly appeared through other actions

so in that fight that mum and dad had, i was fighting with dad - he asked me to take out the bins and i said i'd do it later because i was busy doing homework and he just got super angry and went on the argument that i never did anything for him and such and then he went and took out the bins himself and imo became really petty like a few days into the week my light stopped working and i was acting normally around dad, he was ignoring me and i asked for a new light and he said to go find one myself and i was like ok and tried to but couldn't find one and he was like oh well you're going to have to deal and i was like ok lol i'll do hw in joey's room instead

and then i was at my computer one day after the whole shenanigans of learning about the whole 'secret' and stuff, he like went up to me and was pretty ok and his reasoning for being angry that i hadn't taken out the bins was that we have some shady neighbours and going out in daylight is safer than at night and sure ok, i said sorry and that i'd keep that in mind next time but also that he should be understanding when i have homework and don't want to be disturbed

and then he just replied with that argument like no it only takes like 10 minutes just do it and got angry again and like exited the room

and i was like .......... and then i went out and just confronted him and was like yeah well i'm upset about another thing, i know that you cheated on mum

and he was like -silence- that's none of your business that's only between me and her

and i was like no it is my business because you're my dad and what you do affects everyone in the family

and then he got really defensive and was going like what do you want me to do??? kill myself??? don't worry i know you hate me i'll go live somewhere else soon anyway

and i was like ??????? ummmmmm how about saying sorry to mum?? i don't hate you??? literally what you are doing is running away from your problems and not solving anything

and he was like no i can't do that

and i was like why not

and he was like you'll understand when you're an adult

and i was like frankly dad, i don't see any adults in this room right now

and he was like i can't say sorry if i don't mean it

and i was like ??? well maybe this isn't for you maybe this is for mum

and he was like no it won't do anything

and i was like how do you know you haven't even tried anything

and he just wouldn't budge and so i just sighed really loudly and was like then can you at least try to stop fighting with her? and he was like she makes me say things!!!! and i was like uh huh right and he was like "but what i told her about having a second daughter wasn't true" and i was like so you said it to spite her? and he didn't answer and i just like glared at him for a long while (during this i was also having like a panic attack of sorts kind of like when you cry really hard and you start having difficulty breathing and get a bit dizzy and your heart goes weird, and twice during it he tried to hug me but i kind of just either stayed still or pushed him away) but anyway, i just said to dad that i was disappointed in him

and he was like what do you want me to do i'm not a computer

and i linked that back to the first argument we had and said yeah well that goes for us as well we can't do everything you ask us to do straight away maybe we're busy with other things first and he was like ok well tell me when you are and i'll do it and i was like ok do you promise not to get angry?? and he was like yeah

and then it just ended like that

after that i was just still in a state of disappointment with him because he avoided the topic of mum completely.

and then the other day, it was the beginning of the holidays but the context is is that my family is having lots of trouble with money at the moment - when things are stable, it's ok, but recently cars have been breaking down one after the other and then you get tensions rising with both money and family problems and then the first day of the holidays my cousin and i were cutting her dog, panda's, hair and when we put him down, there was growling and my dog rufus and panda got into a fight and panda's jaw got dislocated/broken - still not quite sure but we know it's bad because panda keeps on whining and such

that night i was like dad i think something's wrong with panda's jaw and dad was like it's fine

and then the next day he was like panda's jaw is broken and i was like yeah i told you so and the problem was that surgery for panda would cost heaps of money and giving him top the rspca would still cost a few hundred, and there was also the option of putting him down

now let me first say that this is my cousin's dog and my cousin is currently in phillipines with her mum

and i'm already really hesitant as it is when it comes to money and asking for it because i know it's really difficult for them at the moment and don't want to burden them with anything and added the mounting arguments against me such as them saying that they do everything for me and i do nothing in return, so it makes me not want to ask for anything at all y'know

well i just didn't want panda to be put down because i feel like that'd be such an unfair call to make for him, because he's a young dog and for something like a broken jaw that could be fixed--- like, god y'know???

but basically it all fell to my cousin's decision as it was her dog and so i was discussing it with her on facebook and just her replies just got me so disappointed because it really felt like the only person who was really affected by everything was me and maybe even my dad but all my cousin said was "oh... well it's my mum's decision in the end"

and she kept repeating that argument and i felt so frustrated because sure it was her mum's decision but her say in it was equally important and she could persuade her mum to the choice that we both agreed was the better option e.g rspca

so then the next day we just devised a system where we feed panda soft things until we can afford to send him to the vet and that's what's been happening but basically one time my dad asked me to feed panda it was like 12pmish and usually we feed the dogs at 6ish but i didn't mind so much, i was just making my holiday plan for homework and feeling kind of stressed seeing all the things that needed to be done and i just said ok hold on i'm nearly finished when my dad got super angry again and went on another rant and somehow ended up threatening that he wouldn't support me with money and i was just like ????? then i'll have to get a part time job i guess and he just got even more angry and began saying how i never did anything for him again and how he works so hard and stuff

and i ended up getting another of those panic attacks and i just ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there and tried to calm myself down

like i knew it was partly my fault that i didn't feed panda asap but then dad and went and said those things, and like while i was in the bathroom my mum was outside the door and being angry and saying i had to apologise to dad straight away but i honestly did not feel like i did much wrong and that dad was overreacting again and i asked her to just leave me alone for a moment because i actually couldn't focus and deal with things because of the panic attack and she was like ???? and i tried to explain to her that like i was having a lot of trouble just dealing with things at the moment and she kind of scoffed and was like what are you going to kill yourself??

and that moment i just like went silent and i was so angry, i was thinking things like 'how dare you say that to me' because time and time again that's alway been the threat that mum and dad have used against me in fights, that they'd just 'kill themselves if i didn't care' and stuff and i just said that to mum

and she just kind of stormed off angrily and came back later and just kept saying i had to apologise

it's kind of still going on at the moment, like i'm lucky that i got to go camping in the first place, mum was saying she wouldn't let me go but i had already prepared food for it and stuff and in the end she let me go but on the car ride there she just kept going on about how i 'had to apologise to dad' and i 'better think about what i did' but i'm just finding it hard because i just i honestly feel like i've done nothing much wrong, i know that it's my fault i don't do things straight away and i'm always grateful for what my parents do for me and like yeah i sass and stuff but like ...... i just.......... idk make way for teenage ramblings sdfghj

my worries just remain, and i've said it to the motherhen, but it's that i feel like things just get worse and worse and the more they do i'm afraid i'll keep having these reactions to them and i end up feeling kind of like... just bad ... at the end of things and i know i'll get back to normal -- i was fine camping -- but i'm developing an apprehensiveness to coming home and seeing mum and dad

also edit about something but i went busking and the day i came home in the car like i was tired but mum launched into tons of complaints about everything bad that was happening like cars breaking down and it just made me so like i began getting really antsy and sighed really loudly and like i know mum has to vent these things but it just always happens and it never stops and i think these things do begin piling up and turn into toxicity, so anyway i sighed really loudly and mum was like what are you angry??? and i just asked her to stop and that i didn't want to hear any more and she went silent and i felt kinda bad but like.... this negativity, i feel, is so poisonous and then that night my bro called up and we had a dnm and he agreed and said that that's a huge reason why he doesn't want to come home and that usually it's hard to deal with because mum's phone calls to him are the same in that she asks about his day sometimes but after that just goes on about the bad in hers

and we don't even know what to do about it

but we just confirmed with each other that we were strong and we'd handle all this together and i think our relationship is so important and awesome :') like i owe bro a lot and he's a star and i hope he also feels better with everything that's going on with his job + girlfriend + etc

sometimes its ok but when things are bad things just seem to get worse y'know??

that's kind of a scary thing

but i know i can always find support with my friends and in the christmas spirit in the air!!!

that kind of reminds me w/ my bro but just recently, it was after busking

OH OHO HOOHHOH OMY GOD I HAVE TO TELL EVEROYNE I WENT BUSKING THIS YEAR!!!! AND IT WAS SO AMAZING WE GOT LIKE 400ISH BUCKS IN 2 DAYS AND DUUUDE WE ARE SO AMAZING ok so like WAIT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SO COOL BECAUSE LIKE THIS LADY CAME OUT WITH FRESH JUICE and i think we were singing outside some kind of legal firm or something but she came out and was like 'hey kids if it gets too hot outside you're welcome to come in any time :)' and AAAAAAAAAAA oh my god ;;; it was just so beautiful and just such preciousness is what makes everything worthwhile!! also we were busking with the song 'cant help falling in love with you' and some dude just was walking past and SANG REALLY GOOD AND AFTER THE SONG ENDED HE WAS SLOWLY WALKING AND WE LIKE CLAPPED FOR HIM BECAUSE HIS VOICE WAS ACTUALLY AMAZING

also CAN I JUST SAY LIKE do u guys remember how i like am so :') at my jap teacher well HE'S SO AWESOME ;; CRY OMG so like during the term we were talking about pokemon once and he was telling me how like when he goes to japan in 2019ish ??? he's gonna have to buy lots of pokemon stuff for his son because his son has become obsessed with pokemon and ;; HIS FAITH he was like 'hey you'll be there' and i literally was like  ;;;;;;;;;;; YOUR FAITH IN ME ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; and was like 'SIR YUO HAEV TO COME VISIT ME' and he was like oh for sure we've never been to kyushu before so :))) and i was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and i was just really happy ;;; WHAT A ;;;; WHAT A MAN ;;;;; like

i don't want to settle for anything less than studying in japan and i will try my very best this coming year, 2016


as part of an initiative (as captain i guess you could say, but in general for what the school lacks), with the help of friends we organised a mental health awareness + support group called Umbrella and it's called Umbrella because mental health is often related to clouds above your head/rain but Umbrella will be there to support you along the way y'know

haha well you get the gist

and i'm so happy

like it took quite a bit of organisation and seeing a bunch of teachers, setting a room up for meetings to take place and making a plan for meetings and on each meeting, figuring out what to talk about and what to focus on in terms of goals and such but i'm so  happy and glad because we actually have quite a few people coming along to join the club on wednesday lunch times and recently for festivus (which was amazing it had sumo wrestling griffo vs anstey and GRIFFO WON and i was supporting him the whole way against rabia who supported anstey /lols, and performances and awesome stalls) and ok recently for festivus umbrella sold hot and cold drinks and made like $118?? this will go towards beyond blue so!!! I'm SO HAPPY because man i find that pretty successful!!!

rhys is this amazing guy in the years below me but he's so passionate about everything and he just makes me so happy because of the effort he puts into stuff like he made 7 litres of ice tea which didn't end up getting sold much due to all the other drinks and people preferring hot drinks due to the surprisingly cold weather but honestly rhys is such a brave soul and volunteered to talk about his experiences with stress in one meeting

AND ALSO IT WAS SO COOL like we had a stress management meeting before exams and alumni came in and talked about stuff and so did rhys and we have minutes with the advice compiled on it and it's pinned outside on our NOTICE BOARD dO U KNO HOW COOL THAT IS but also like I'M SO HAPPY because like i hope it'll be helpful to kids !!!!! like !!! man!!!! and the COUNSELLOR WAS LIKE hey jesse i'm happy because this group is going well and thank you for your effort in making this group and i was like ;;;;;;;; I'm SO GLAD like NO PROBLEM AT ALL



i think it's so important to recognise like all the good things that are happening outside of the house y'know and school and my friends and all the amazing things that others achieve are so worthwhile and keep me grounded

so yeah

holidays have begun and you bet your BUTTS they'll be PRODUCTIVE i have to make griffo proud with JAP WORK!!! AAAAAAAAAAA

ok but maybe not today i'm so tired today :')

tomorrow/// I WILL DO A LOT .......


WISH ME LUCK>!??!?!?!?! (i don't need luck i have DETERMINATION aaaa that reminds me undertale is a good game and i'm learning new americana by halsey (AWESOME SINGER MAN) on the piano and one punch man + haikyuu season 2 IS WHAT ENRICHES MY SOUL AAA and yeah nice BD)

see you and i hope everyone has AMAZING things come to then in the end of this year and the year to come. HOPE YOU SMILE HEAPS TODAY!!!! and don't worry about me too much if you are... i just need to get things off my chest sometimes and talk to people and i'll be fine, i'm a spry youth

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

entry 34.5

this'll be a teeny entry!!!

but today i went to a jap class dinner today and it was awesome 

and on the way back, i was getting a lift home with snay and sam -- but basically griffo bought us ice cream after dinner we did a total woolies run because griffo had previously thought some ice cream shops were open but none were and yeah

and griffo made me get one [meshiagare my BUTT :( i've indulged myself so much over these holidays... brother come home so we can gym :(((] so i shared it with snay

but in the car home i was just really, really nostalgic and emotional

i was eating my third of the ice cream and looking up at the moon as it was around 8pm

and thinking

"this is what i'll remember"

looking up at the half-moon, and the burst of caramel frostiness on my tongue on the equally chilly night, and some random jazzy tune the sam had put on in the car, as well as my mouth set into a sort of half-grin because griffo reminded me/snay to finish off the booklet he gave us and that he expected it to be done and you know living up to those expectations are so fun -- and then snay and i talked a bit about the things that had happened in class for example one day i was heading out of class and motherhen was walking in front of me and then she stopped and i ran into her and made this squawking sound and i looked around and griffo was just laughing so hysterically and then i started laughing and snay started laughing and it was just like what is happening??

but just those little stories in the day that make everything worthwhile, that make other people into the story-tellers they are today who endeavour to share the wonder

the truth is though

i made up that little tidbit above, when i talked about the half-moon and ice-cream

i can't even really remember the moon if it was half or a crescent, i could look since y'know it was like an hour ago but i can't recall it that well

and just ten minutes or so after eating that ice cream, what replaced it was instead the feeling of my sore sinus as i'm sick and i'd quickly forgotten about the sweetness in place of something more immediate

i'm recording everything here because when i was thinking that, when i realised how quickly those little details slipped from my mind, i thought:

i have to write this down

because those little things float away so easily and there's literally only a year left of school, a year left of this atmosphere, of my beautiful friends who brighten my life with their 'i love you's and griffo as a teacher and friend and role model who has constantly encouraged me and pushed me forward, and little interactions with strangers around the school who fill up all the holes in between

the truth is that i won't remember many of the little details at all in a year, or a few more years

i won't remember a lot of things and that makes me so scared and excited but so scared, because god, do i adore these little details.


jesse OUT 

i'm sleepy and need to have a shower, exercise for a bit and do a bit of jap revision

see you! i hope you have an equally heart-warming day

Monday, 21 September 2015

entry 34

go out and look at the stars tonight; they're really beautiful.

and WOAH

so it's been fIVE MONTHS

and i think we all know that so much can happen in just five months, it's a goddamn long time and i'm going to list what i have to cover in this blog post right now right here: CAPTAINCY??? + my wonderful friends and soon to be closer friends god they are just BAM man/Relay for life/exams and the transition happening between year 11 and year 12 + CAMP/crushes? lol actually what crushes/japanese + goals/and other things i can't really think of right now


let me just

[took an intense interval including an otome game and a 45 min walk to woolies]

ummm ok so let's start by saying that i ran for school captain and honestly the thought didn't cross my mind until my friend gwizz messaged me after i liked his post about applications one day on facebook and told me to go for it

and after a while of thinking i was like yeah why not man i mean you have to do a whole speech in front of the school and go through an interview process and stuff haha oh gee but i've always had tons of things i wanted to say to the [collective] school anyway

and what did i have to lose, right?

my friends were going for it as well and i truly, from the bottom of my heart i really did believe they had so much more potential and that they needed to be recognised because they do an infinite amount for the school whereas, i guess, - compared to my friends who had solid purposes -- i felt that my purpose was flimsy. my goal in school was only ever to get to know other people and that's how i went head first into the whole application process: i just wanted to thank those people who encouraged me and supported me along the way. i wasn't so much focused on captaincy so to say, but just sending out that message of thank you and that i really loved those people for everything they'd done for me. i hope i'm not talking myself up with this, but i guess i want to say that whereas everyone else was so school orientated, so passionate about making a change - i guess my passion lied in just those people and i felt that that wasn't enough.

to be honest, i think you have to strike some kind of balance, maybe. both are equally important.

and during that application process, my train of thought was struggling with that question of "what do you want to do as a captain?" and "what would YOU bring to the role?" and then i realised that the root of it all, what i wanted to do on my most basic level was to just give back to those people who made me who i was. and i'll post my speech underneath this paragraph probably. it took heaps of discussion with motherhen and a role model, let's name her pikachu because she's like the model of awesome, the female school captain at the time, to actually flesh out my thoughts and for me it was so hard and i became very insecure along the way, surprisingly enough!



Good morning teachers, staff and fellow students.
My name is [full name] and I would like to be elected for school captain or vice-captain of 2016.
I’ve always loved speeches. They’re really neat. Sitting on that hall floor, and looking at those leaders on the stage showing such a pride in their school, having their own ambitions and understandings of what it meant to be up here, talking like this – it made me think, “Wow, I want to be like them.”
And for today, and as long as I am the person this school has shaped me to be, I am one of them.
Leadership is a lot of things.
“Leadership is action, not position.” Chances are you have definitely encountered this quote if you’ve experienced Values day, either in a leadership role or being the one getting constantly bombarded with lollies. My time in SRC as the secretary, a supportive role, has showed me that leadership is the weight of responsibility, and dealing with that weight effectively. You need to be able to manage yourself, and I believe that I do well – I’m reliable, organised and trustworthy. You can give me a task and feel at ease because I will get it done. At the same time, depending on the circumstances you may have heard the “I don’t know what it is with Smith Hill kids but you do too much by yourself” saying, and from there I learnt that leadership was knowing when to share the workload with peers who are eager to help, because by doing less, you can then achieve more. We can work together, to transform the school.
Leadership is also love for the people you represent.
What’s worth mentioning is that I’m standing up here today, when right now, this exact time probably two years ago, I was at home and asking my brother, “Bro, seriously, how do I make friends?” and he answered, “Sis… just be yourself…”. And then I went to my mum, asked her the same thing, and she answered exactly the same as my brother. I was shy, and in some ways I still am but it’s doesn’t have to be the problem I made it out to be – in that sense I realised that the biggest enemy wasn’t any outside factor but myself. I didn’t know that in order to really be yourself, you had to like yourself first.
I just thought that there were so many people I wanted to talk with: I thought, “It would be such a shame if I didn’t get to know all these wonderful people because I was too scared to go out on a whim, out of my comfort zone…” and I was so determined I went to the one source of stable knowledge everyone relies on nowadays. No shame: I wiki-howed ‘how to make friends’.  Also following my mum’s other words, was just saying hi.
 A simple hello can lead to a million things right? And the smiles you get in a successful hello are always worth it.
So these little interactions occurred and made me incredibly happy, I came home every day with something to tell my brother and he’d laugh at my stories and it was fun making him laugh. And then they became consistent, and before I knew it, I was standing a little straighter and smiling a lot more than a little; it was the people I got to know who made each day heaps brighter.
So standing here today is a stretch from what I used to think I could do, but if I can do it then you can too. I truly believe that each and every one of you has so much potential. I can say that I’m proud of who I am, and I’m proud of this school. I may be small but I have represented Smith’s Hill in Zone cross country and in the sports gala days. I believe those opportunities and just having a go is what connected me with the people I love in this school today. I love this school, and being involved with it, in Vocal Ensemble, Volunteering at the Canteen, ARC, Working Bees – because of all the people I meet, the many different people connected by common interests.
Do you know who puts the cool in school? It’s you guys. I do too of course, because, well, I am a part of the collective ‘you’, but you get the gist. Love goes a long way because it says that you’ll put someone or something else’ needs before your own and I intend to commit myself to making this school a better place.
By getting elected as captain, I want to give back the happiness that this school gives me every day. I want to make CLANS what it was intended to be, along with your suggestions: a place where everyone could bond and help one another and do activities that encouraged just that, and CLAN specific notice boards that could be used for super cool house events, clan info, updates from house captains… I’d also like to address mental health, and what people would like to see improved in the school about it. I asked a variety of people about what they’d think about a group dedicated to raising awareness, and doing activities that could help individuals help themselves or others, and am in the process of seeing this through. I want to encourage everyone to give things a go, help them see that they can go far, and if that comes from the opportunities in the school such as volunteering/charity fundraisers/clubs that help shape their identity, I want to keep those opportunities going , while providing more leadership opportunities.
I want to be constantly involved in the process of improving the school, and making it a place that everyone can look forward to, every day, like it is for me.
I’ve always loved speeches, so here I’m hoping you like my speech.
I’ve said this once in the distance past but I’ll say it again to all of you, it’s a good line.
“On a scale of one to ten, you’re all nines, and I’m the one you need.”

Vote for  [full name].



i honestly wasn't nervous at all during the speech, or not nervous enough to note it down here.

it was probably the interview which took that fear away, as the interview was the scariest part. i never once attended an interview so i prepared like crazy the nights before coming up with practice questions and answers and tried to understand myself and what i stood for. i even cried when i talked about my brother, one of the questions was "who is a role model in your life" -- and it was really embarrassing because it was one of those types where your voice becomes wobbly.

so then the day came that the results were being announced and uhhhhh i had no idea how to react when the principal was like 'and the girl's captain is....' and pointed to me and i just kind of like was ??? :/ and it was SO AWKWARD because i honestly had built myself up to that day believing that my friends would get it  --- i'd reinforced it to my mum and motherhen that i'd be happy if it were the others, reinforced it so that i wouldn't have to deal with any awkwardness afterwards if they thought i'd be sad because i would've honestly been totally ok if they were chosen

and then the rest of the day i was kind of in a rut and actually sort of indignant!! because i wanted so much for a certain friend to have been chosen, because i felt she deserved it so much and it was like i unfairly stole away that chance from her, maybe because i just happened to be a little more i don't know emotional or something---

so a few days after i was just so.... so upset haha and hearing the "i know you'll do well"s made me feel odd because i felt that the others would've done better, and i would've settled for vice captain at best

my mood settled down.... but then for the next few weeks i was in a constant up and down rollercoaster because i was overthinking and constantly lamenting over hypothetical situations like yeah i won't doubt it if everyone thinks someone else is more suited, i wouldn't blame them, i agree---

but NO

it took me more than it should have to realise the fact that


it happened

it happened,

now you have to do the best job you can, you have to be proactive, because thinking this isn't doing anything and you need to just move on and accept it

and don't get me wrong i was grateful that people voted for me, i was utterly surprised and touched.

i still am like it felt like a dream and still sort of does

to sum it up i'm proud of myself

and writing the above kind of makes me feel icky as i'm revisiting something i'd rather not but it goes to show how far i've come, kind of thing, doesn't it?

just recently i've come to terms that it's ok to be the kind of person i am, as part of a team

i felt like a little bean in the shadow of big beans, in a role for big beans that was unsuited for little bean me

and i confided in gwizz about this and i'm so thankful i did because just his words made me so reassured and i really do feel fully happy now, and proud.

" We will shred no matter what and don't you feel like you're a little bean we're all big beans, working together to be the best together. That's what we're doing."

those words are so important, even if they might seem little to anyone reading.


sooo yeah uh i. yeah!

anyway! today we all ventured to gwizz' house and worked out our team dynamics and plans and everything and it was GREAT!!!!!


onto the next topic

RELAY FOR LIFE WAS SWEET AS HECK AGAIN I TALKED TO NEW PEOPLE AND IT WAS SO FUN THE GODDESS Y.C GAVE ME A PIGGY BACK AROUND A LAP AT THE PARK AND KLOCK PLAYED THE UKELELE AND WE SANG AND PEOPLE FOLLOWED US AND KIDS COMPLIMENTED US AND TEA WAS $3.50 SO NOT A BARGAIN BUT WORTH IT, have you ever even heard of prince of wales or russian caravat tea?? yes?? no???? WELL. i drank some and it was intense because i only had 3 hours of sleep because we stayed overnight at the track.


year 12.



literally forget my past entries about jude because i have had no time to think about crushes due to studying for year 11 exams WHICH i think i did ok in!!!!! :D

well i plan to say something about it someday but not now :)

definitely in high school but not now BD

and i guess i'll expand more on my goals and my feelings towards japanese later on because i feel sick and sleepy now save me


have a lovely [insert appropriate time word] and i hope you smile a lot in the following days,


Thursday, 30 April 2015

entry 33

is altruism real?

apparently they discussed that question in year 10 philosophy but i never did it so i guess i don't really know the answer.

smiles are simply beautiful y'know? especially when they're aimed at you! like holy crap, what some people would do to get others to smile. random ass things that's what. i'm currently eating oatmeal and the greek yoghurt ran out :')

so uhhhh

i sometimes feel like if i write stuff down here, it'll jinx me. as in i'll write something awesome that happened and then follow it up with some kind of action that makes awkwardness befall on everything else. you feel? :/

for the sake of not wanting to forget (heck i have to write about the japanese trip still but i do remember lots of things from it... god do i want to go back - but the thing is i want to go back with the class again, just for that same feeling. highschool is coming to an end, it's scary, i don't want it to end at the same time as i am excited for the end... but i just don't want to leave my year haha), here i go hey:


after gyoza right people had to clean and i just helped to gather some plates and i'm so glad i did ;;; like it was just me lenalee (*refer to february 2014), jude, let's call her ummmm lola coz she could totes pull off a saucy pin-up girl look and rock it, and snay - who were cleaning stuff up
and so we went to the staff kitchen and washed things there
and like at first jude filled the sink up with water and lola was getting a sponge and stuff but it would've took a bit of time for her to clean everything so i got another sponge and helped her clean and iunno suddenly i was cleaning and using sponges and lola and jude were drying or lola was doing something and lenalee was doing something else
and like ;; meanwhile we were talking and just making jokes like jude was like nah you don't need to rinse stuff and i was like but it's soapy man and lenalee was like yeah people are gonna eat from that
and like why did jude fill up the sink with water coz we didn't need it filled
but like we were just talking and it was nice ;;; and like jude was asking for the knife covers
so i gave them to him and like when i did i'm going to cry like his hand kind of did this thing and i s2g it's probs just me but like slowly grazed my finger i'm gonna cry but his hand was so gentle save me
and like in the moment it wasn't so !!!Ssadjdj/sob
it was more  like  ??
and like after that we finished washing and griffo treated us to more gyoza

Because he washes the dishes white people way
Omg even more haha
Graze of the hand

LOL yeah and me and lenalee and lola were joking like maybe it's just us
yeah ;;;;;;;;; and like omg so after we were walking out of the class
i was like to jude nice dancing w/ the harmony thing btw

Im proud of u man

and he was like hahaha thank you  and i was like ;;
and then in eng ext
like iunno we were given a presentation apparently due next week tuesday and i was like what because y'know bio and music camp
when jude was like hey jesse
and i was like oh yo man and like it was across tables
and like sir bro was talking and he said something

Yo man...

and i couldn't hear it so i was like could u say that again
i'm paraphrasing ok ;;

Oh thank god

and he said it again but i couldn't hear it coz at the same time
sir bro was talking

I thought you actually said that
Lol it was probably "you have a lot of grey hairs"

and like i was like i can't hear you kind of in like a 'laughing coz u keep trying but sir bro keeps talking' kind of way

Lol i can actually imagine this happen

and he did this cute little smile om i'm /sob like he smiled in the 'i know' kind of way and i was like ;;;
and then finally after sir bro finished he was like
aren't we going to the tanken centre next week?
and i was like ?? the tanken centre? i had no idea about that
and he was like yeah apparently we might be going there next week or maybe the week after i'm not sure

I dont think so...

and i was like oh okay that's sweet!! and he was like :) and i was like :)
and that was it
but ;;;;;;;;


LIKE i had no idea i'm gonna cry he's so cudfhasdjashdfghj
omgmgmgmmg SAVE ME BRI



U gotta make more moments like this happen k


Just dont force it too much

YES!!!! okay!!!

Omfg u reenacted  it

i'm not sure what i'd talk to him about... but then again it's just about making friends so like just be normal huh
yeah and then my bro was like ohhhh i get you
and like he told me this story how he did that with this girl he liked once called joanne

Yeah treat him as a normal person
Not someone you like
Otherwise you'll get too caught up


Like everyone haha

your advice is really great bri-chi /sob

Omg joanne haha

yeah omg and so apparently it was rainy
and guess what there was only one umbrella

shoujo manga has showed me the ways
Frick and they went to a shrine
And he invited her to the summer festival?

and so joanne was like i'll hold it and my bro was like nah it's okay i'll hold it and like so she didn't stop holding it so he put his hand on hers and she didn't mind and then he didn't know what to do with his other arm so he put his arm around her and was like "alright we gotta battle this rain!!" and apparently it worked
yes you predicted it
you got it so right i'm in awe
bri i'm so happy ;; like we actually talk to each other a bit and it doesn't feel too awkward haha but also i'M SO EXCITED FOR THE APPARENT TANKEN CENTRE THING??? LIKE I'VE BEEN MISSING SO MUCH JAPANESE DUE TO EXCURSIONS BUT NOW  WE MIGHT BE GOING ON A JAP EXCURSION I WAS actually like so happy

Omg this joanne chick so wanted in too haha
Tanken centre much fun such wow
It'll be cool tho cos my friends will actually be here this time haha
what weren't we there with u last time

o'm jsut still kinda :')
hsi hand was so gentle wth total shoujo moment i'm crying also i'm just a bit happy?? iunno but that he went out of his way probably not much but y'know to just tell me about the whole tanken centre deal like it's interesting coz it's different from with lachlan? like before then every time i'd talk to him it was just so taboo kinda and like his friends would be so /save me
but this is a good start like i feel like maybe y'know if i take things step by step maybe it'll be ok???

Last time we weren't in the same class so i was with yass, sam and claire but claire bailed out cos she had a jpn stdent
Yeh friends first man
Otherwise you might realise that he's not what you imagined him to be and then it's hard to fall back on friendship
At least that's what happened to me

wow shoujo really has done you good
and experience
;;;  my beautiful precious bae




you make me so happy bri-chi /sob for your advice and listening to me and everything ;;;;;;;;;;;

you remind me of makita yuuri from ao haru ride hahaha
no problem, you guys have done the same
so now time for me to return
makita yuuri is that the one with the short hair

you seriously like captured my heart with that smooth baby butt line
marry me

yes she is hahaha
.... smooth baby butt line
have been receiving too much cheesy stuff from friends

:)))))) i love it ur so cute man
smooth baby butt line
YOU ARE a smooth baby butt
ao haru ride is actually so much teenage drama man


and there you go

honestly after that i was just feeling really happy and i don't know like i was looking at hamilla and smiling because her smile looked so sweet in the moment she was probs telling the bandaid some crappy pun or something but honestly

altruism huh


(i couldn't find an emoticon that could express myself so i wrote the above instead)

have a wonderful day!

also i just wanna say i'm so excited because i'm going to zone and i got 100% on my japanese test so i'm really proud!


Wednesday, 8 April 2015

entry 32

If you have the determination then you can do it
My Dad always says "Luck is opportunity meets preparation"

that's a really nice quote

So if you make sure you're on the lookout for opportunities
And if you're prepared
Then you can talk to him!!
There's no reason why you couldn't

gooooood you're beautiful like those are such nice

Yeah you should put it on your wall B)

B) i will

I am pretty beautiful

you really are

But you're MORE beautiful

nO you don't say that man

Ugh FINE we're EQUALLY beautiful
But anyway

i think everyone has equal potential for beauty and that we're well-matched B)

Yeah so don't feel so down about it!! Because you can do it!!

i, hhgg i think i'm actually pretty fallen  like today i just kind of thought of him when i saw the cricket going on and i had this thought and it was "_____ might be watching this, he likes cricket doesn't he?" so i sat down and observed it for a bit because i thought maybe if i could understand a bit or have a big of knowledge over it maybe i could...


and it went weird because my FACe i felt it in my FACE you know... like when you think of the person you like....... and your eyes go soft?? oh god

/dies because of cuteness

and it did that and i realised i did that and i was like CRAP this really isn't good i've done the thing i've gone and done the thing

D: that's so cute

me too

You know what this is GOOD
You might not realise it
But however this goes
You'll grow and learn from the experiences



you know i should probably ask permission to use conversations as transcripts for my blog... you know what i mean...?

today is a beautiful day [1/4/15 - cross country] and some really awesome things have happened in the past week

------and MAN jesus christ i've had this draft floating here for a while and i'm hoping to get it done by today so let's begin again shall we? [8/4/15]

i just wanna point out that in the first date i wrote there, i put there year as 2012 :////// ???

well okay i changed it

right now my computer room smells like tuna and cheese and sweet potato

and THAT'S A-OKAY WITH ME MAN YEAH, smells good


i think there's something really great about putting lots of effort into something and being able to share the gratification of some sort of reward, achievement - with someone else who has put in just as much effort as you. that's something beautiful and connecting, i think! for example, it was just really offhand but after doing the cross country I CAME SEVENTH IN 16 YEAR OLD GIRLS /CHOKED SOBBING and i'm still really proud of that ehe but basically i was just waiting for my friends to pop up at the finish line when i just made conversation with ladybug guy and it was just really nice and friendly and all and we were just talking about the places we came, i was like how'd you go man? :) and he was like i came sixth, and i was like WOAH SERIOUSLY MAN?? that is so cool coz like i came seventh and he was like wow sweet!! and we high fived and high fives warm my heart ;;; and then we began talking about fitness and stuff and while it was a very brief conversation it was really nice to share the same kind of achievement with someone??

and even during running it was so great, along the track i passed by people i knew from my year and some just called out "go jesse!" and "keep it up!" and having that kind of encouragement handed to you, iunno it just really touched me for some reason and i was so happy and honoured to be on the receiving end of those short statements


cinnamon and hamilla, i was just talking about how i was so ready to crosS THE COUNTRY and all and cinnamon and hamilla were like hey you go girl; i have no idea where my other friends were at the moment and i was like thank you ;; and talking about encouragement, while i was beginning to run, they were the ones who were like yEAH U GO JESSE and i was like sobbing on the inside just marvelling at how great my friends were and especially when i finished the race and met up with them, literally my heart was just heating up in there because after the race when i told them my place, they just smiled so much and it really felt like they were really happy for me and just that, the notion of them being happy for me being happy was just so amazing and that feeling is just one i want to capture in a tiny glass bottle and clip it to a necklace so that it's always there and close to my heart and so i never forget it

and they hugged me even though we were all seriously sweating like beasts and probably swapped too many germs to mention

but it was just so nice y'know?

my friends are seriously...... all angels............ i honestly can't stress that enough..

there was this feeling of guilty 'YEAH man i can be a good runner'/victorious type of feel when i passed by this group distinctly related to fish (that maths dude from waaay back) but basically the reasons consisted of the fact that the guys went first and girls went second so like i'd caught up to them B) and i heard one of them saying something akin to "huh wow smiths hill girls represent"

like yeah man i'm so powerful i'm gonna run up a storm if u kno what i mean......

n... ... okay no it's okay if you don't know what i mean i don't.. really know what i mean either but i'm thinking up a dust cloud u know how u run really fast you create dust clouds


the same day on cross country, i'll go chronologically-

usually i come really late to school and so sometimes i face that dilemma of all your friends sitting at a fully occupied table and having to sit on your lonesome at some other distant, isolated table and try to look like a cool lone wolf while doing so and not some sad individual discreetly or not so discreetly sending winks at your friends and hoping your being sensual lures them to migrate towards you instead

actually you can act either way and they wouldn't be better or worse than the other but the point is, i'd faced that dilemma in my first class that day, a wednesday, meaning i had english first which meant haz/bri-chi/skipper/cinnamon were in my class. perfect four, y'see what i'm getting at?

so i entered the room and ducked my head in some weird head-nod acknowledgement to my teacher who has announced that a pet peeve of hers is people coming late and she nodded and took my late note off me and i kinda just made a :') face to the four friends sitting at the perfect square table in the middle of the room, all seats obviously taken by four perfect butts and so i went ahead and plopped /my/ butt to my usual seat which was at a 6-seater table

and first haz stood up gathered her bag and was like cya dudes and came to the table i was at and probably my eyes sparkled in that moment and i felt a rush of love for her as she also plopped her pooper on the table i sat at and then out of the corner of my eye i saw the other three doin some crazy telepathic nods and exchange of eye contact with each other and then all of them stood and relocated to my table and i just felt like MAN my friends are SO cool like YEAH this is so cool FRIENDS and miss just kinda like iunno i think it was all silent and miss was just like wow ok and i was like crying on the inside, it seriously just made my day and i was like god i am so blessed

and yeah

so that's story one and this is story two

is it safe to establish that i've begun liking someone again? :/

it was probably established in the last few posts but they were vague

if the transcript at the beginning of the post isn't clear enough, i've kinda fallen into that stage again where i literally did just go to the last day of school in hopes of maybe just seeing jude and saying a first 'hello',.. y'know? haha

it's horrible because on tuesday there was a japanese hsc I AM SOBBING BECAUSE ohohhhohoohohhhh my goododoododdod there was this one question right, and it went like this - it was a listening task and you had to answer questions based on it but basically it went

"shukudai o wasurenaide, gakkou ni mottekite ne"

shukudai = homework
wasuremasu = the verb form: 'to forget"
wasuremasen = the formal for way of saying 'not forget'
wasurenai = the informal version of 'not forget' like e.g shukudai o wasurenai ne. hai, wasurenakatta.
ugh it depends on how you say it so this is probably a really difficult explanation :/

but basically wasurenaide is a command (the de at the end makes it so//which branches off into the te form which would be a whole 'nother thing to explain) and it means "don't forget your homework"

the second sentence says bring it to school okay?


that 'naide' may also mean 'without' depending on the context, for example, benkyou o shinaide, shiken o uketa

which means without studying, i took a test


"without forgetting your homework, bring it to school"

like at first i was like 'don't forget your homework, bring it to school' and like i was pretty sure about that but then as i looked at it more, as i REALLY looked at it and began picking apart eVERYTHING (which i shouldn't have done), i became unsure and was like crap what if its the other form... what if......... and so i wrote 'without' instead which makes even LESS grammatical sense but i wanted to 'be sure' /sob so that's a mistake i made i'm crying


back on topic, i really wanted to say good luck to jude, i really did and it's such a small thing but i was so ready

we were wearing mufti that day and man i was so ready, preparing clothes and thinking 'this outfit looks good'

but he was absent that day and i was secretly a bit dismayed at that, yeah

isn't it so interesting how people can impact you like that? so cool right?

and then the next day which was cross country, i was so ready i was like yeah i'm going to do my hardest and if i do well it'll show and if it'll show would it impress him? would that be alright for me to hope for? and also this want to see him there and show off was definitely present as i searched for what would be suitable to wear for that run and he wasn't there again but then i did something that day that made me backtrack and think 'wow ok'

but so omoiyari (src buddy member man who is too A+ to handle tbh, such a cool guy) was trying to rope in yellow house members (hello!!) to take a group photo and i heard that siren call man so i pulled up my friend turtle (hint: her last name starts with turt - also that day it was sooo good we talked to each other more and we already get along so well and it was just beautiful talking with her and bonding!!!!) and we took a group pic and then it was time for a house captain picture and okay so jude's yellow's house captain along with omoiyari right; i knew that

i knew that....

and so i was talking to omoiyari

and i began saying, "oh yeah, so who is the other house captain? we have another guy right...?"

and omoiyari was like "OH yeah that's jude, he's either at isa or taking a day off lol"

and i was like "isa??" and omoiyari nodded and was like "yea it's that travelling music group" and i think i know it, they have purple shirts when they show up and they do really neat performances and i was like "ah okay that's sweet"

and in the back of my mind, something's telling me that omoiyari knows why i asked that but hey it's all g, though what might make it more obvious is that i've asked omoiyari advice on the topic of how to talk to people you don't really have common interests with but honestly i did that cause i trust omoiyari and i really do think he's a good person to talk to

so yeah

it was the fact that wow man i feigned ignorance and did that..... i'm so sly....... shady.......... slim shady................. shady..........................


yeah....................... shady........ /shakes head and frowns

okay anyway

i've been reading poetry lately (lol save me before i become some cheesy cringe-ball) and it amazes me how so much power can be put into words

and here was something i was writing which readers, you might find incredibly cringy don't judge me tho i think we've passed the judgement stage and if we haven't maybe i've been doing something wrong but: (((if you want it ask for the link lol i changed my mind and was like WOAH it's cringy so if u want it ask me in real life if you know me <3)))

anyway i've been using snapchat lately and here are some quality snaps:

nail painting is becoming a thing B)

bri-chi convinced me to try a topknot for the cross-country but my hair was too short in the end

the motherhen at night

the motherhen threatening me

the bro and i


me being gangsta

motherhen trying to lay down the law (ur not my MOTHER motherhen...... u can't control me,e,,e......)

have a good day! :)


so its holidays right

i went to motherhen's house the other day to practice for music camp which is happening like the day after school resumes

and we're singing this

and MAN if i say so myself we make a beautiful pair i'm just saying we're gonna be sooo cool B))) it's our synergy; we came to the conclusion after talking about hot cross buns that we, combined, are an evolved version of nicki minaj; anaconda is our jam

lookie here B)

and i'm thinking i'll use soundcloud more often, huh...

-jesse out yo, stay safe!!

Thursday, 19 March 2015

entry 31.5

 valentines 2015

i forgot to mention that it's kind of weird?? maybe but for valentines while sending roses to friends and myself (insert booty face here) i had spare money and thought that sending a flower to jude would be a good thing to do

this is before what happened in the below post though

but i thought sending a flower to someone i've always thought was pretty would be a nice gesture and i guess i wanted to spread the happiness a little bit, like "if i have the ability to make a person smile then that's what i should do"

of course it was anonymous though /inserts real booty face: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

and on it i just wrote "good day/konnichiwa" in japanese with a jap emoticon similar to this: (*^▽^)/

and well yeah B)

in that regard, i hope everyone had a spectacular valentines day

say this to ur special someone and bedazzle them with ur language abilities:

kimi no me ga hoshi no you ni kagayaiteiru

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)