Tuesday, 22 September 2015

entry 34.5

this'll be a teeny entry!!!

but today i went to a jap class dinner today and it was awesome 

and on the way back, i was getting a lift home with snay and sam -- but basically griffo bought us ice cream after dinner we did a total woolies run because griffo had previously thought some ice cream shops were open but none were and yeah

and griffo made me get one [meshiagare my BUTT :( i've indulged myself so much over these holidays... brother come home so we can gym :(((] so i shared it with snay

but in the car home i was just really, really nostalgic and emotional

i was eating my third of the ice cream and looking up at the moon as it was around 8pm

and thinking

"this is what i'll remember"

looking up at the half-moon, and the burst of caramel frostiness on my tongue on the equally chilly night, and some random jazzy tune the sam had put on in the car, as well as my mouth set into a sort of half-grin because griffo reminded me/snay to finish off the booklet he gave us and that he expected it to be done and you know living up to those expectations are so fun -- and then snay and i talked a bit about the things that had happened in class for example one day i was heading out of class and motherhen was walking in front of me and then she stopped and i ran into her and made this squawking sound and i looked around and griffo was just laughing so hysterically and then i started laughing and snay started laughing and it was just like what is happening??

but just those little stories in the day that make everything worthwhile, that make other people into the story-tellers they are today who endeavour to share the wonder

the truth is though

i made up that little tidbit above, when i talked about the half-moon and ice-cream

i can't even really remember the moon if it was half or a crescent, i could look since y'know it was like an hour ago but i can't recall it that well

and just ten minutes or so after eating that ice cream, what replaced it was instead the feeling of my sore sinus as i'm sick and i'd quickly forgotten about the sweetness in place of something more immediate

i'm recording everything here because when i was thinking that, when i realised how quickly those little details slipped from my mind, i thought:

i have to write this down

because those little things float away so easily and there's literally only a year left of school, a year left of this atmosphere, of my beautiful friends who brighten my life with their 'i love you's and griffo as a teacher and friend and role model who has constantly encouraged me and pushed me forward, and little interactions with strangers around the school who fill up all the holes in between

the truth is that i won't remember many of the little details at all in a year, or a few more years

i won't remember a lot of things and that makes me so scared and excited but so scared, because god, do i adore these little details.


jesse OUT 

i'm sleepy and need to have a shower, exercise for a bit and do a bit of jap revision

see you! i hope you have an equally heart-warming day

Monday, 21 September 2015

entry 34

go out and look at the stars tonight; they're really beautiful.

and WOAH

so it's been fIVE MONTHS

and i think we all know that so much can happen in just five months, it's a goddamn long time and i'm going to list what i have to cover in this blog post right now right here: CAPTAINCY??? + my wonderful friends and soon to be closer friends god they are just BAM man/Relay for life/exams and the transition happening between year 11 and year 12 + CAMP/crushes? lol actually what crushes/japanese + goals/and other things i can't really think of right now


let me just

[took an intense interval including an otome game and a 45 min walk to woolies]

ummm ok so let's start by saying that i ran for school captain and honestly the thought didn't cross my mind until my friend gwizz messaged me after i liked his post about applications one day on facebook and told me to go for it

and after a while of thinking i was like yeah why not man i mean you have to do a whole speech in front of the school and go through an interview process and stuff haha oh gee but i've always had tons of things i wanted to say to the [collective] school anyway

and what did i have to lose, right?

my friends were going for it as well and i truly, from the bottom of my heart i really did believe they had so much more potential and that they needed to be recognised because they do an infinite amount for the school whereas, i guess, - compared to my friends who had solid purposes -- i felt that my purpose was flimsy. my goal in school was only ever to get to know other people and that's how i went head first into the whole application process: i just wanted to thank those people who encouraged me and supported me along the way. i wasn't so much focused on captaincy so to say, but just sending out that message of thank you and that i really loved those people for everything they'd done for me. i hope i'm not talking myself up with this, but i guess i want to say that whereas everyone else was so school orientated, so passionate about making a change - i guess my passion lied in just those people and i felt that that wasn't enough.

to be honest, i think you have to strike some kind of balance, maybe. both are equally important.

and during that application process, my train of thought was struggling with that question of "what do you want to do as a captain?" and "what would YOU bring to the role?" and then i realised that the root of it all, what i wanted to do on my most basic level was to just give back to those people who made me who i was. and i'll post my speech underneath this paragraph probably. it took heaps of discussion with motherhen and a role model, let's name her pikachu because she's like the model of awesome, the female school captain at the time, to actually flesh out my thoughts and for me it was so hard and i became very insecure along the way, surprisingly enough!



Good morning teachers, staff and fellow students.
My name is [full name] and I would like to be elected for school captain or vice-captain of 2016.
I’ve always loved speeches. They’re really neat. Sitting on that hall floor, and looking at those leaders on the stage showing such a pride in their school, having their own ambitions and understandings of what it meant to be up here, talking like this – it made me think, “Wow, I want to be like them.”
And for today, and as long as I am the person this school has shaped me to be, I am one of them.
Leadership is a lot of things.
“Leadership is action, not position.” Chances are you have definitely encountered this quote if you’ve experienced Values day, either in a leadership role or being the one getting constantly bombarded with lollies. My time in SRC as the secretary, a supportive role, has showed me that leadership is the weight of responsibility, and dealing with that weight effectively. You need to be able to manage yourself, and I believe that I do well – I’m reliable, organised and trustworthy. You can give me a task and feel at ease because I will get it done. At the same time, depending on the circumstances you may have heard the “I don’t know what it is with Smith Hill kids but you do too much by yourself” saying, and from there I learnt that leadership was knowing when to share the workload with peers who are eager to help, because by doing less, you can then achieve more. We can work together, to transform the school.
Leadership is also love for the people you represent.
What’s worth mentioning is that I’m standing up here today, when right now, this exact time probably two years ago, I was at home and asking my brother, “Bro, seriously, how do I make friends?” and he answered, “Sis… just be yourself…”. And then I went to my mum, asked her the same thing, and she answered exactly the same as my brother. I was shy, and in some ways I still am but it’s doesn’t have to be the problem I made it out to be – in that sense I realised that the biggest enemy wasn’t any outside factor but myself. I didn’t know that in order to really be yourself, you had to like yourself first.
I just thought that there were so many people I wanted to talk with: I thought, “It would be such a shame if I didn’t get to know all these wonderful people because I was too scared to go out on a whim, out of my comfort zone…” and I was so determined I went to the one source of stable knowledge everyone relies on nowadays. No shame: I wiki-howed ‘how to make friends’.  Also following my mum’s other words, was just saying hi.
 A simple hello can lead to a million things right? And the smiles you get in a successful hello are always worth it.
So these little interactions occurred and made me incredibly happy, I came home every day with something to tell my brother and he’d laugh at my stories and it was fun making him laugh. And then they became consistent, and before I knew it, I was standing a little straighter and smiling a lot more than a little; it was the people I got to know who made each day heaps brighter.
So standing here today is a stretch from what I used to think I could do, but if I can do it then you can too. I truly believe that each and every one of you has so much potential. I can say that I’m proud of who I am, and I’m proud of this school. I may be small but I have represented Smith’s Hill in Zone cross country and in the sports gala days. I believe those opportunities and just having a go is what connected me with the people I love in this school today. I love this school, and being involved with it, in Vocal Ensemble, Volunteering at the Canteen, ARC, Working Bees – because of all the people I meet, the many different people connected by common interests.
Do you know who puts the cool in school? It’s you guys. I do too of course, because, well, I am a part of the collective ‘you’, but you get the gist. Love goes a long way because it says that you’ll put someone or something else’ needs before your own and I intend to commit myself to making this school a better place.
By getting elected as captain, I want to give back the happiness that this school gives me every day. I want to make CLANS what it was intended to be, along with your suggestions: a place where everyone could bond and help one another and do activities that encouraged just that, and CLAN specific notice boards that could be used for super cool house events, clan info, updates from house captains… I’d also like to address mental health, and what people would like to see improved in the school about it. I asked a variety of people about what they’d think about a group dedicated to raising awareness, and doing activities that could help individuals help themselves or others, and am in the process of seeing this through. I want to encourage everyone to give things a go, help them see that they can go far, and if that comes from the opportunities in the school such as volunteering/charity fundraisers/clubs that help shape their identity, I want to keep those opportunities going , while providing more leadership opportunities.
I want to be constantly involved in the process of improving the school, and making it a place that everyone can look forward to, every day, like it is for me.
I’ve always loved speeches, so here I’m hoping you like my speech.
I’ve said this once in the distance past but I’ll say it again to all of you, it’s a good line.
“On a scale of one to ten, you’re all nines, and I’m the one you need.”

Vote for  [full name].



i honestly wasn't nervous at all during the speech, or not nervous enough to note it down here.

it was probably the interview which took that fear away, as the interview was the scariest part. i never once attended an interview so i prepared like crazy the nights before coming up with practice questions and answers and tried to understand myself and what i stood for. i even cried when i talked about my brother, one of the questions was "who is a role model in your life" -- and it was really embarrassing because it was one of those types where your voice becomes wobbly.

so then the day came that the results were being announced and uhhhhh i had no idea how to react when the principal was like 'and the girl's captain is....' and pointed to me and i just kind of like was ??? :/ and it was SO AWKWARD because i honestly had built myself up to that day believing that my friends would get it  --- i'd reinforced it to my mum and motherhen that i'd be happy if it were the others, reinforced it so that i wouldn't have to deal with any awkwardness afterwards if they thought i'd be sad because i would've honestly been totally ok if they were chosen

and then the rest of the day i was kind of in a rut and actually sort of indignant!! because i wanted so much for a certain friend to have been chosen, because i felt she deserved it so much and it was like i unfairly stole away that chance from her, maybe because i just happened to be a little more i don't know emotional or something---

so a few days after i was just so.... so upset haha and hearing the "i know you'll do well"s made me feel odd because i felt that the others would've done better, and i would've settled for vice captain at best

my mood settled down.... but then for the next few weeks i was in a constant up and down rollercoaster because i was overthinking and constantly lamenting over hypothetical situations like yeah i won't doubt it if everyone thinks someone else is more suited, i wouldn't blame them, i agree---

but NO

it took me more than it should have to realise the fact that


it happened

it happened,

now you have to do the best job you can, you have to be proactive, because thinking this isn't doing anything and you need to just move on and accept it

and don't get me wrong i was grateful that people voted for me, i was utterly surprised and touched.

i still am like it felt like a dream and still sort of does

to sum it up i'm proud of myself

and writing the above kind of makes me feel icky as i'm revisiting something i'd rather not but it goes to show how far i've come, kind of thing, doesn't it?

just recently i've come to terms that it's ok to be the kind of person i am, as part of a team

i felt like a little bean in the shadow of big beans, in a role for big beans that was unsuited for little bean me

and i confided in gwizz about this and i'm so thankful i did because just his words made me so reassured and i really do feel fully happy now, and proud.

" We will shred no matter what and don't you feel like you're a little bean we're all big beans, working together to be the best together. That's what we're doing."

those words are so important, even if they might seem little to anyone reading.


sooo yeah uh i. yeah!

anyway! today we all ventured to gwizz' house and worked out our team dynamics and plans and everything and it was GREAT!!!!!


onto the next topic

RELAY FOR LIFE WAS SWEET AS HECK AGAIN I TALKED TO NEW PEOPLE AND IT WAS SO FUN THE GODDESS Y.C GAVE ME A PIGGY BACK AROUND A LAP AT THE PARK AND KLOCK PLAYED THE UKELELE AND WE SANG AND PEOPLE FOLLOWED US AND KIDS COMPLIMENTED US AND TEA WAS $3.50 SO NOT A BARGAIN BUT WORTH IT, have you ever even heard of prince of wales or russian caravat tea?? yes?? no???? WELL. i drank some and it was intense because i only had 3 hours of sleep because we stayed overnight at the track.


year 12.



literally forget my past entries about jude because i have had no time to think about crushes due to studying for year 11 exams WHICH i think i did ok in!!!!! :D

well i plan to say something about it someday but not now :)

definitely in high school but not now BD

and i guess i'll expand more on my goals and my feelings towards japanese later on because i feel sick and sleepy now save me


have a lovely [insert appropriate time word] and i hope you smile a lot in the following days,


Thursday, 30 April 2015

entry 33

is altruism real?

apparently they discussed that question in year 10 philosophy but i never did it so i guess i don't really know the answer.

smiles are simply beautiful y'know? especially when they're aimed at you! like holy crap, what some people would do to get others to smile. random ass things that's what. i'm currently eating oatmeal and the greek yoghurt ran out :')

so uhhhh

i sometimes feel like if i write stuff down here, it'll jinx me. as in i'll write something awesome that happened and then follow it up with some kind of action that makes awkwardness befall on everything else. you feel? :/

for the sake of not wanting to forget (heck i have to write about the japanese trip still but i do remember lots of things from it... god do i want to go back - but the thing is i want to go back with the class again, just for that same feeling. highschool is coming to an end, it's scary, i don't want it to end at the same time as i am excited for the end... but i just don't want to leave my year haha), here i go hey:


after gyoza right people had to clean and i just helped to gather some plates and i'm so glad i did ;;; like it was just me lenalee (*refer to february 2014), jude, let's call her ummmm lola coz she could totes pull off a saucy pin-up girl look and rock it, and snay - who were cleaning stuff up
and so we went to the staff kitchen and washed things there
and like at first jude filled the sink up with water and lola was getting a sponge and stuff but it would've took a bit of time for her to clean everything so i got another sponge and helped her clean and iunno suddenly i was cleaning and using sponges and lola and jude were drying or lola was doing something and lenalee was doing something else
and like ;; meanwhile we were talking and just making jokes like jude was like nah you don't need to rinse stuff and i was like but it's soapy man and lenalee was like yeah people are gonna eat from that
and like why did jude fill up the sink with water coz we didn't need it filled
but like we were just talking and it was nice ;;; and like jude was asking for the knife covers
so i gave them to him and like when i did i'm going to cry like his hand kind of did this thing and i s2g it's probs just me but like slowly grazed my finger i'm gonna cry but his hand was so gentle save me
and like in the moment it wasn't so !!!Ssadjdj/sob
it was more  like  ??
and like after that we finished washing and griffo treated us to more gyoza

Because he washes the dishes white people way
Omg even more haha
Graze of the hand

LOL yeah and me and lenalee and lola were joking like maybe it's just us
yeah ;;;;;;;;; and like omg so after we were walking out of the class
i was like to jude nice dancing w/ the harmony thing btw

Im proud of u man

and he was like hahaha thank you  and i was like ;;
and then in eng ext
like iunno we were given a presentation apparently due next week tuesday and i was like what because y'know bio and music camp
when jude was like hey jesse
and i was like oh yo man and like it was across tables
and like sir bro was talking and he said something

Yo man...

and i couldn't hear it so i was like could u say that again
i'm paraphrasing ok ;;

Oh thank god

and he said it again but i couldn't hear it coz at the same time
sir bro was talking

I thought you actually said that
Lol it was probably "you have a lot of grey hairs"

and like i was like i can't hear you kind of in like a 'laughing coz u keep trying but sir bro keeps talking' kind of way

Lol i can actually imagine this happen

and he did this cute little smile om i'm /sob like he smiled in the 'i know' kind of way and i was like ;;;
and then finally after sir bro finished he was like
aren't we going to the tanken centre next week?
and i was like ?? the tanken centre? i had no idea about that
and he was like yeah apparently we might be going there next week or maybe the week after i'm not sure

I dont think so...

and i was like oh okay that's sweet!! and he was like :) and i was like :)
and that was it
but ;;;;;;;;


LIKE i had no idea i'm gonna cry he's so cudfhasdjashdfghj
omgmgmgmmg SAVE ME BRI



U gotta make more moments like this happen k


Just dont force it too much

YES!!!! okay!!!

Omfg u reenacted  it

i'm not sure what i'd talk to him about... but then again it's just about making friends so like just be normal huh
yeah and then my bro was like ohhhh i get you
and like he told me this story how he did that with this girl he liked once called joanne

Yeah treat him as a normal person
Not someone you like
Otherwise you'll get too caught up


Like everyone haha

your advice is really great bri-chi /sob

Omg joanne haha

yeah omg and so apparently it was rainy
and guess what there was only one umbrella

shoujo manga has showed me the ways
Frick and they went to a shrine
And he invited her to the summer festival?

and so joanne was like i'll hold it and my bro was like nah it's okay i'll hold it and like so she didn't stop holding it so he put his hand on hers and she didn't mind and then he didn't know what to do with his other arm so he put his arm around her and was like "alright we gotta battle this rain!!" and apparently it worked
yes you predicted it
you got it so right i'm in awe
bri i'm so happy ;; like we actually talk to each other a bit and it doesn't feel too awkward haha but also i'M SO EXCITED FOR THE APPARENT TANKEN CENTRE THING??? LIKE I'VE BEEN MISSING SO MUCH JAPANESE DUE TO EXCURSIONS BUT NOW  WE MIGHT BE GOING ON A JAP EXCURSION I WAS actually like so happy

Omg this joanne chick so wanted in too haha
Tanken centre much fun such wow
It'll be cool tho cos my friends will actually be here this time haha
what weren't we there with u last time

o'm jsut still kinda :')
hsi hand was so gentle wth total shoujo moment i'm crying also i'm just a bit happy?? iunno but that he went out of his way probably not much but y'know to just tell me about the whole tanken centre deal like it's interesting coz it's different from with lachlan? like before then every time i'd talk to him it was just so taboo kinda and like his friends would be so /save me
but this is a good start like i feel like maybe y'know if i take things step by step maybe it'll be ok???

Last time we weren't in the same class so i was with yass, sam and claire but claire bailed out cos she had a jpn stdent
Yeh friends first man
Otherwise you might realise that he's not what you imagined him to be and then it's hard to fall back on friendship
At least that's what happened to me

wow shoujo really has done you good
and experience
;;;  my beautiful precious bae




you make me so happy bri-chi /sob for your advice and listening to me and everything ;;;;;;;;;;;

you remind me of makita yuuri from ao haru ride hahaha
no problem, you guys have done the same
so now time for me to return
makita yuuri is that the one with the short hair

you seriously like captured my heart with that smooth baby butt line
marry me

yes she is hahaha
.... smooth baby butt line
have been receiving too much cheesy stuff from friends

:)))))) i love it ur so cute man
smooth baby butt line
YOU ARE a smooth baby butt
ao haru ride is actually so much teenage drama man


and there you go

honestly after that i was just feeling really happy and i don't know like i was looking at hamilla and smiling because her smile looked so sweet in the moment she was probs telling the bandaid some crappy pun or something but honestly

altruism huh


(i couldn't find an emoticon that could express myself so i wrote the above instead)

have a wonderful day!

also i just wanna say i'm so excited because i'm going to zone and i got 100% on my japanese test so i'm really proud!


Wednesday, 8 April 2015

entry 32

If you have the determination then you can do it
My Dad always says "Luck is opportunity meets preparation"

that's a really nice quote

So if you make sure you're on the lookout for opportunities
And if you're prepared
Then you can talk to him!!
There's no reason why you couldn't

gooooood you're beautiful like those are such nice

Yeah you should put it on your wall B)

B) i will

I am pretty beautiful

you really are

But you're MORE beautiful

nO you don't say that man

Ugh FINE we're EQUALLY beautiful
But anyway

i think everyone has equal potential for beauty and that we're well-matched B)

Yeah so don't feel so down about it!! Because you can do it!!

i, hhgg i think i'm actually pretty fallen  like today i just kind of thought of him when i saw the cricket going on and i had this thought and it was "_____ might be watching this, he likes cricket doesn't he?" so i sat down and observed it for a bit because i thought maybe if i could understand a bit or have a big of knowledge over it maybe i could...


and it went weird because my FACe i felt it in my FACE you know... like when you think of the person you like....... and your eyes go soft?? oh god

/dies because of cuteness

and it did that and i realised i did that and i was like CRAP this really isn't good i've done the thing i've gone and done the thing

D: that's so cute

me too

You know what this is GOOD
You might not realise it
But however this goes
You'll grow and learn from the experiences



you know i should probably ask permission to use conversations as transcripts for my blog... you know what i mean...?

today is a beautiful day [1/4/15 - cross country] and some really awesome things have happened in the past week

------and MAN jesus christ i've had this draft floating here for a while and i'm hoping to get it done by today so let's begin again shall we? [8/4/15]

i just wanna point out that in the first date i wrote there, i put there year as 2012 :////// ???

well okay i changed it

right now my computer room smells like tuna and cheese and sweet potato

and THAT'S A-OKAY WITH ME MAN YEAH, smells good


i think there's something really great about putting lots of effort into something and being able to share the gratification of some sort of reward, achievement - with someone else who has put in just as much effort as you. that's something beautiful and connecting, i think! for example, it was just really offhand but after doing the cross country I CAME SEVENTH IN 16 YEAR OLD GIRLS /CHOKED SOBBING and i'm still really proud of that ehe but basically i was just waiting for my friends to pop up at the finish line when i just made conversation with ladybug guy and it was just really nice and friendly and all and we were just talking about the places we came, i was like how'd you go man? :) and he was like i came sixth, and i was like WOAH SERIOUSLY MAN?? that is so cool coz like i came seventh and he was like wow sweet!! and we high fived and high fives warm my heart ;;; and then we began talking about fitness and stuff and while it was a very brief conversation it was really nice to share the same kind of achievement with someone??

and even during running it was so great, along the track i passed by people i knew from my year and some just called out "go jesse!" and "keep it up!" and having that kind of encouragement handed to you, iunno it just really touched me for some reason and i was so happy and honoured to be on the receiving end of those short statements


cinnamon and hamilla, i was just talking about how i was so ready to crosS THE COUNTRY and all and cinnamon and hamilla were like hey you go girl; i have no idea where my other friends were at the moment and i was like thank you ;; and talking about encouragement, while i was beginning to run, they were the ones who were like yEAH U GO JESSE and i was like sobbing on the inside just marvelling at how great my friends were and especially when i finished the race and met up with them, literally my heart was just heating up in there because after the race when i told them my place, they just smiled so much and it really felt like they were really happy for me and just that, the notion of them being happy for me being happy was just so amazing and that feeling is just one i want to capture in a tiny glass bottle and clip it to a necklace so that it's always there and close to my heart and so i never forget it

and they hugged me even though we were all seriously sweating like beasts and probably swapped too many germs to mention

but it was just so nice y'know?

my friends are seriously...... all angels............ i honestly can't stress that enough..

there was this feeling of guilty 'YEAH man i can be a good runner'/victorious type of feel when i passed by this group distinctly related to fish (that maths dude from waaay back) but basically the reasons consisted of the fact that the guys went first and girls went second so like i'd caught up to them B) and i heard one of them saying something akin to "huh wow smiths hill girls represent"

like yeah man i'm so powerful i'm gonna run up a storm if u kno what i mean......

n... ... okay no it's okay if you don't know what i mean i don't.. really know what i mean either but i'm thinking up a dust cloud u know how u run really fast you create dust clouds


the same day on cross country, i'll go chronologically-

usually i come really late to school and so sometimes i face that dilemma of all your friends sitting at a fully occupied table and having to sit on your lonesome at some other distant, isolated table and try to look like a cool lone wolf while doing so and not some sad individual discreetly or not so discreetly sending winks at your friends and hoping your being sensual lures them to migrate towards you instead

actually you can act either way and they wouldn't be better or worse than the other but the point is, i'd faced that dilemma in my first class that day, a wednesday, meaning i had english first which meant haz/bri-chi/skipper/cinnamon were in my class. perfect four, y'see what i'm getting at?

so i entered the room and ducked my head in some weird head-nod acknowledgement to my teacher who has announced that a pet peeve of hers is people coming late and she nodded and took my late note off me and i kinda just made a :') face to the four friends sitting at the perfect square table in the middle of the room, all seats obviously taken by four perfect butts and so i went ahead and plopped /my/ butt to my usual seat which was at a 6-seater table

and first haz stood up gathered her bag and was like cya dudes and came to the table i was at and probably my eyes sparkled in that moment and i felt a rush of love for her as she also plopped her pooper on the table i sat at and then out of the corner of my eye i saw the other three doin some crazy telepathic nods and exchange of eye contact with each other and then all of them stood and relocated to my table and i just felt like MAN my friends are SO cool like YEAH this is so cool FRIENDS and miss just kinda like iunno i think it was all silent and miss was just like wow ok and i was like crying on the inside, it seriously just made my day and i was like god i am so blessed

and yeah

so that's story one and this is story two

is it safe to establish that i've begun liking someone again? :/

it was probably established in the last few posts but they were vague

if the transcript at the beginning of the post isn't clear enough, i've kinda fallen into that stage again where i literally did just go to the last day of school in hopes of maybe just seeing jude and saying a first 'hello',.. y'know? haha

it's horrible because on tuesday there was a japanese hsc I AM SOBBING BECAUSE ohohhhohoohohhhh my goododoododdod there was this one question right, and it went like this - it was a listening task and you had to answer questions based on it but basically it went

"shukudai o wasurenaide, gakkou ni mottekite ne"

shukudai = homework
wasuremasu = the verb form: 'to forget"
wasuremasen = the formal for way of saying 'not forget'
wasurenai = the informal version of 'not forget' like e.g shukudai o wasurenai ne. hai, wasurenakatta.
ugh it depends on how you say it so this is probably a really difficult explanation :/

but basically wasurenaide is a command (the de at the end makes it so//which branches off into the te form which would be a whole 'nother thing to explain) and it means "don't forget your homework"

the second sentence says bring it to school okay?


that 'naide' may also mean 'without' depending on the context, for example, benkyou o shinaide, shiken o uketa

which means without studying, i took a test


"without forgetting your homework, bring it to school"

like at first i was like 'don't forget your homework, bring it to school' and like i was pretty sure about that but then as i looked at it more, as i REALLY looked at it and began picking apart eVERYTHING (which i shouldn't have done), i became unsure and was like crap what if its the other form... what if......... and so i wrote 'without' instead which makes even LESS grammatical sense but i wanted to 'be sure' /sob so that's a mistake i made i'm crying


back on topic, i really wanted to say good luck to jude, i really did and it's such a small thing but i was so ready

we were wearing mufti that day and man i was so ready, preparing clothes and thinking 'this outfit looks good'

but he was absent that day and i was secretly a bit dismayed at that, yeah

isn't it so interesting how people can impact you like that? so cool right?

and then the next day which was cross country, i was so ready i was like yeah i'm going to do my hardest and if i do well it'll show and if it'll show would it impress him? would that be alright for me to hope for? and also this want to see him there and show off was definitely present as i searched for what would be suitable to wear for that run and he wasn't there again but then i did something that day that made me backtrack and think 'wow ok'

but so omoiyari (src buddy member man who is too A+ to handle tbh, such a cool guy) was trying to rope in yellow house members (hello!!) to take a group photo and i heard that siren call man so i pulled up my friend turtle (hint: her last name starts with turt - also that day it was sooo good we talked to each other more and we already get along so well and it was just beautiful talking with her and bonding!!!!) and we took a group pic and then it was time for a house captain picture and okay so jude's yellow's house captain along with omoiyari right; i knew that

i knew that....

and so i was talking to omoiyari

and i began saying, "oh yeah, so who is the other house captain? we have another guy right...?"

and omoiyari was like "OH yeah that's jude, he's either at isa or taking a day off lol"

and i was like "isa??" and omoiyari nodded and was like "yea it's that travelling music group" and i think i know it, they have purple shirts when they show up and they do really neat performances and i was like "ah okay that's sweet"

and in the back of my mind, something's telling me that omoiyari knows why i asked that but hey it's all g, though what might make it more obvious is that i've asked omoiyari advice on the topic of how to talk to people you don't really have common interests with but honestly i did that cause i trust omoiyari and i really do think he's a good person to talk to

so yeah

it was the fact that wow man i feigned ignorance and did that..... i'm so sly....... shady.......... slim shady................. shady..........................


yeah....................... shady........ /shakes head and frowns

okay anyway

i've been reading poetry lately (lol save me before i become some cheesy cringe-ball) and it amazes me how so much power can be put into words

and here was something i was writing which readers, you might find incredibly cringy don't judge me tho i think we've passed the judgement stage and if we haven't maybe i've been doing something wrong but:

I was ready.
I didn't take you into account.
Though I dressed spectacularly
For me but for you too
Slaving over a persona and asking Claire for help...
I want to write your name too-
but if you were to find this-
Surely it'd ruin.
Because I'm a shy
A shy too different from your outgoing
A shy that could battle individuals
Apart from your outgoing that battle-cried
"Motherfuckers I'm over here"

I was ready.
I didn't take you into account.
Dressed to impress
A 'good luck' unsaid
And wishful thinking put to rest and so has courage faltered...
But hopes do persist-
there's no need to worry-
Thoughts of
Would you please
find me endearing;
a heart you want to hold
and hands that hold you too?

A lot like foam from lips
Too much to halt with just a flick of the wrist and a twist to the right
Tapping into thoughts...
Not spoken yet
Because we haven't spoken enough

I'm not ready.
Can anyone ever be?

I should start taking you into account...

yeah man, copyright by jesse tran right here

so i wonder if that's all i have to write?

i've been using snapchat lately and here are some quality snaps:

nail painting is becoming a thing B)

bri-chi convinced me to try a topknot for the cross-country but my hair was too short in the end

the motherhen at night

the motherhen threatening me

the bro and i


me being gangsta

motherhen trying to lay down the law (ur not my MOTHER motherhen...... u can't control me,e,,e......)

have a good day! :)


so its holidays right

i went to motherhen's house the other day to practice for music camp which is happening like the day after school resumes

and we're singing this

and MAN if i say so myself we make a beautiful pair i'm just saying we're gonna be sooo cool B))) it's our synergy; we came to the conclusion after talking about hot cross buns that we, combined, are an evolved version of nicki minaj; anaconda is our jam

lookie here B)

and i'm thinking i'll use soundcloud more often, huh...

-jesse out yo, stay safe!!

Thursday, 19 March 2015

entry 31.5

 valentines 2015

i forgot to mention that it's kind of weird?? maybe but for valentines while sending roses to friends and myself (insert booty face here) i had spare money and thought that sending a flower to jude would be a good thing to do

this is before what happened in the below post though

but i thought sending a flower to someone i've always thought was pretty would be a nice gesture and i guess i wanted to spread the happiness a little bit, like "if i have the ability to make a person smile then that's what i should do"

of course it was anonymous though /inserts real booty face: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

and on it i just wrote "good day/konnichiwa" in japanese with a jap emoticon similar to this: (*^▽^)/

and well yeah B)

in that regard, i hope everyone had a spectacular valentines day

say this to ur special someone and bedazzle them with ur language abilities:

kimi no me ga hoshi no you ni kagayaiteiru

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

entry 31


How long has it been?

4 months perhaps?

I reckon a lot has happened in that time. I've become a lot more concrete in my goals for the future, I think, and I've definitely been inspired to do my very best in school work because I guess I've realised that you get what you put in and what I'm doing right now is for my own sake, for the future. The future is a prospect I'm so starry-eyed about but I know sometimes I won't be. If, perhaps, my vision becomes clouded in such a way then I want to say to future!Jesse that everyone will always have potential and the world really is your oyster.

Like, in Haikyuu [AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL ANIME DUDES, seriously, Nishinoya is my absolute BAE - どうぞ-], as that somewhat important side-coach says to Kageyama and Hinata after their loss in the final match:

"Does losing prove that you're weak?
Isn't losing difficult for everyone?
...A challenge where, after ending up on your hands and knees, you must see if you can stand up again?
PARAPHRASING; isn't it only if you stay on your hands and knees proof that you are weak?"

つもり、get back up yo. The world may be your oyster but it ain't gonna wait. :D Take things into your own hand.

And so here comes another important point I want to make that got me back on my feet after a challenge I had to accept, when I first went back to Japanese at the start of the year. Btw it's week 8 currently and exam week is next week, so time really has been going by fast.

"If you love it so much, learn it well."

If people have watched Haikyuu, like, if, among my readers who aren't any of my friends, have watched Haikyuu - they should know about the situation with Kageyama and Oikawa.

I felt like Oikawa; that suddenly a genius like Kageyama had come along and at that time I'd thought thoughts like "How can I compete against that?"

Like, no.

So this'll get personal, but s'not as if it really hasn't before right?

So this brilliant girl (and I really mean that because her hard-working spirit is evident and so is her passion) was accelerated to the subject I always... entitled myself to. I don't think entitled is the right word. It's just that, before that, I've always thought things like: "Japanese is all I have, it's all I can do good at, therefore it is mine [my subject] to do good at." But why 'mine'? What does that even mean?

I think that loving something is scary. Being passionate about something is scary. There will always also be scary competition and the first step into getting over the fear of competition, I think, is admitting that those competitors are just as passionate as you. If you love a subject, you should want to do well in it > you /want/ to study it, to indulge in it, you feel like it is a huge source of gratification for yourself. This is definitely not a bad thing, not at all. In fact, it's a really good thing - to have enough passion for a subject to have the determination to do well in it.

But it's like, when you love something that much, for me: I want to do my very best in it. Therefore, I want to be the best at it. Do you think that notion is a bit selfish? Selfish may be defined differently in your sense, compare to what i'm referring to, but regardless, I know I'm a very selfish person so in light of competition I don't have much of a problem admitting that I want to 'win'.

Anyway, when I found out that she'd been accelerated and that her accent was magnificent and she obviously knew a lot about her stuff, I kind of got angry at myself for not knowing as much as her. How did I know I didn't know as much as her? Dunno - was that the truth or was I just challenging myself because I saw her as a 'threat' at first? It just struck me that she was very formidable and I wanted to be just as > more.

So I actually went to the teacher, and I was probably being so blunt but I asked him:

Why is she so good? Is it because she works really hard?

And maybe in that question I kinda said [I work hard too, why am I not better?]

SEE how self-orientated that is? Not sure if that is the word - but see how kind of icky that is?? It makes me feel icky just looking at it!

And when I asked him that, I think I nearly cried because everything came at once:

I accepted that she was really good, if not better.

Sir looked at me and said, gently, something along the lines of: "Well, firstly, she's half Korean and Korean is very similar to Japanese in terms of structure. But she also loves it a lot."

I compared myself to her; I just, just loved Japanese so much that I guess it was hard for me to comprehend the fact that someone might "love" it more but how can you really measure love?

And then he said, "But I know you love it as well, which is why you're good at it."

And so I asked, "How do I get better?"

And then we talked about sakubun (writing pieces) and I've been going to him for advice a lot and he told me that I was always welcome to do extra homework and so that's what I've been doing and it doesn't feel like homework to me, it's just fun and I really, really like doing it. I mean, it's for me. I want to be better, and I think it's fair for me to say that my Japanese teachers are key factors in making me want to be more. Y'know, just, more. I'm so speechlessly grateful for the time they take out of their day to encourage and do things for their students, it just astounds me and this is where my 1AM Reflection comes in (I wrote it on my ipod). It's all I can say and I'll copy it down here, but Mr G. especially has been nothing less than a role model and more than pretty much the best teacher I've ever had hands down. Who else would deal with a girl who asks too many questions???

1AM Reflection

I don't want to say something like "Japanese is the only subject I have/the only thing I'm good at." (I'm hesitant to use the term 'good' because honestly I still don't know everything about the English language; how can I dare to think I even know a lot about Japanese? The best thing to do is probably just understand what I know and what I don't know.)

Basically, on one hand, this is because I think what you're 'good' at is really just determined by your attitude towards it and how you approach it - I don't think, that by ourselves, we can measure what our best is. I believe there is so much potential in all of us, so much that in fact it becomes immeasurable. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of other people view Japanese or a subject in general as something only they 'have'. In the end, isn't it a matter of if your efforts gratify you or not? It makes you feel worthy because of the effort you put in and that's why you stick to it so much - which reinforces my point that 'goodness' is simply determined by your determination to do well.

I try hard because, well, yeah, I get happy if I'm considered 'good' at it. If I'm validated in my efforts. I like putting in the effort to achieve that gratification, but I'm also really in love with the language. This is said as a fact because I honestly believe I would not put so much of myself into it otherwise. Imagining all the people I'll be able to talk to; the culture which will open up to me, which I'll be able to explore...

I'm so grateful to those teachers who have helped me and taught me and I think I might be a little in love with them too, because they're both people I want to be when I'm an adult. They make me want to become a better person.

Also, storytellers are the best kind of people. I feel like they are the people who have just gotten so much out of life - and surely they'll get more - that they can't help but let those words touch other people: y'know, to achieve that and have that kind of special glint in your eyes when you tell your stories, that's something really wonderful. And the ability to inspire people - that's just crazy.

The highest praise and comment I can give is that I just want to be like them when I'm older.


and then it ended there because I was sleepy.

there was this one point also, when jap first started, there was this joke that my friend kept on making about us two being the "alpha"s and i was really uncomfortable because of that and i was just kinda hoping she'd stop making the joke until one day she said it and it was just really loud and my other friend looked at us in a kind of "ummm" way and said, "really guys?" and i kind of immediately was just like wait no!! no!!!!! it wasn't me who said it, i don't think i'm an 'alpha' like EVERYONE is trying really hard and it just like

well, i got angry at jam and i made it obvious that i didn't like the joke and felt like it was just really not good.. spirit?? you feel

anyway it was all good

i apologised after because i shouldn't have been so harsh and the angel just replied with, no it's okay, it's refreshing to see you angry.

i'm happy that we didn't have much of a big fight!

ANYWAY, i might continue this another day but I wanted to speak about another topic today ;;

yes it is time for my teenage shoujo life to come into play again /cough cough hahahhaa...a.a.. shoujo.....

but anyway,


the heart of a teenage girl.

so if i haven't established that i'm completely over canoe guy, then well, here it is. this is the sentence. take in in.


well, i am.

and do you remember jude?

not lady bug guy, or fish or ace or anyone else i may've nicknamed....

but yeah, that guy i called pretty in the spur of the moment when i was in that stage of "if u think anything nice you absolutely HAVE to say it HANDS DOWN, HANDS DOWN. HANDS. DOWN U GOT THAT PUNK??? NEED TO SAY IT NWEEDEENEDABAOSLUTELYNEEDEOTHERWISEHTEYWON'TFEELURFEELING--"


in that youngin' stage of mine (though i still hold to that belief very well and perhaps should apply it more often) - well, yeah. i guess i've always been kinda conscious of him because he was v. aesthetically pleasing and in that manner i'm shallow, but i'd always just kinda appreciated from afar because of the strong belief that 'wow i am a shy girl/he is popular=i am awkward, things like this will never end well' and y'know i'm still like that and it's just kind of hard to believe that relationships will be possible because i always work myself up too much, y'know, that whole thing with impulses /nods.

wow, just had a thought: isn't this SUCH a weird thing to be talking about after that whole seriousness of the above section? hehe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

well, i'll just scale things up to today (there's really only one thing that happened on that life-changing japanese trip that i can't believe i haven't written about yet.... but there's just... so much...... hey maybe my not writing it can be seen as how i'm just that speechless about what an experience it was........) -

there was this one time in japan where i was wearing my senpai (jam)'s hatsune miku hat and jude was on the trip as well and was like omg jesse is that hatsune miku and i looked at him and grinned and was like yeah it is! and was secretly pleasantly surprised he even knew what hatsune miku was???

anyway it was a nice, fleeting interaction and it's always those ones that make my day and always stick with me

today, for eng ext, i had to present with two friends let's call one buddy (because i used to talk to him about games and stuff when i was young...........) and the other jasmine because she's like princess jasmine from aladdin, she's really pretty!!

well our presentation was about psychoanalytical criticism

and at first i had a plan to make people laugh with this lil skit about freudan slips and it worked except i entered that rambling stage and was like "so yeah if i were a guy-- wait no, okay if i were a girl-- wait no i am a girl nevermind" and people laughed and i'm glad they laughed at my stumblings, but anyway, it came to my points about freud and how he was sexist and coined dubious things like "penis envy/oedipus complex/castration anxiety" and i kinda was like hmmm i don't feel comfortable saying the p word i mean like y'know so i just said peepee and passed it off as that and everyone began laughing and sir bro (teacher's name is that btw so i'll call him that) was like i don't know why you're fine with saying oedipus complex and castration anxiety but not peepee envy" and then i was like nah well if u wanna say it its fine and then he was like yeah okay tru and began talking to the class about how they should be mature about terms like the p word and how that shouldn't have laughed at my 'peepee' term and THEN he began naming like a bunch of genital uh parts and the class was just like omfg and i was just like omg sir and just turned away and was like i can't believe this like really uncomfortably and it was just really funny

anyway, after i did my explanation, i also had to mention that a feminist called Karen Horney challenged Freud's view and it was all going so well until buddy laughed and then everyone else laughed and me and sir bro were just like i can't believe this but also it was very amusing


squizz (i think i mentioned her before, she's a fellow src member and friend :D) commented how the "peepee" thing was the highlight of her day which was rly cute and i was like ;; i'm glad it made u laugh

squizz is the type of person who's like the sun, y'know? i think i've talked about people being like suns before but she's the type of person who inspires you to be little bit more; the type of person you're glad exists because they're the types who bother to do little things that make you happy? such as compliments on random days and wide smiles and iunno she spreads laughter like wildfire

anyway, when i was in sac, she was like jesse i have something to tell u

and i was like ???? go ahead

and she was like it's not big or anything

and i was like haha go ahead man

and she said something along the lines of: (i may be paraphrasing???) okay well when i was laughing and stuff like everyone was laughing but i was looking at jude and he was laughing at everything you said and i just thought how cute you two would be together

and i kinda was like o...oh

because y'know?? maybe i thought about....... oh man this is so embarassing, but it's like u know, you ever think about something along the lines like "if we got together" and hhhh wow

look at me and my deep dark romantic side coming to the surface

actually no one's ever really said that to me before so it surprised me as well, aha, and i guess it made me happy? y'know, i guess it was something like wow someone thinks i can be in a relationship with someone else??

ugh is this a weirdly self-depricating train of thought??

i don't mean to put myself down but i don't really view it as putting myself down because that's how i've been thinking


odd right



  • me:

    we're gonna sing this at music camp

    we as in bec/sam/s'nay/me/kelly/possibly the others

    /sobs it is so beautiful.............. i feel like it describes me.... i belong..... with the lyrics..........

  • and i'm kind of ??? because i feel like ____がすき?? みたい な かんじ ですが........ but ah the life of a teenage girl...... shoujo........... i need to stop but with that thing, i've fangirled to claire about him a couple of times and so i've always been kinda ";;" around him and it's like u kno, things get u worked up and u???? am i making sense
  • cookie:

    omg jesse i love this song haha

    brandon used to sing it all the time

    it's alright, if you come to like him it's normal

    But I'm pretty sure he likes you in a friend liking way as well

    I guess you just need to talk to him a bit more hahaha
  • cookie:lol sure thing bro
  • me:

    you sound like an old woman bri-chi....... you sound like my mum..
  • cookie:

    ... slightly worrying
  • me:
    but // yeah..... that would be nice /insert happy emoticon


    u should always be slightly worried when ur around me
  • cookie

    you never know what could happen B)

The scary thing with me is that it is soo easy to work me up -- i feel like i CONNECT with that song i linked in cookie's convo, seriously

"Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down"

ME!!! but also the last verse is cute

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get yeah
I just haven't met you yet

what a cute right

there's also the fact that motherhen is calling this adorable and for some reason that makes me happy and well i don't want that to make me happy coz it can kinda pave way towards those feelies again esp coz i feel like in the back of my mind i will be holding onto a hope, that's just how i am with all my romantic notions and in the end i really do love the idea of things like that happening and i feel like i'm getting a bit vague

ah yes let's change back to the normal font

but anyway

going step by step and not over-thinking is probably the way to go, right? :)

so hopefully i'll be updating more soon!!! this is a new year after all, hehe. got to keep a record of my life B)

well, goodbye!!! have a beautiful day and i hope you smile lots today and tomorrow and always! smiling is good for ur face also oatmeal is love

also wow hey i'll be creating a new tag for jude 

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

entry 30

i am the asian to the right and my love is on the left
look at these awesome shoes man i'm so happy with them
photo-booth funtimes B)
the formal was held at our school in the citadel and i am/was completely okay with that (i think i preferred it to the beach, where it was supposed to be held)

it was actually... amazingly enjoyable. i honestly wasn't sure what to expect at first because it'd probably be just me sitting around while other people danced and i'd just be off to the side with my friends kinda bored, but that judgement was so wrong because dude, dancing was SO FUN like if anyone out there is having a sort of dance/social party thing goin' on, i recommend you to just let your body loose and just bop to the beat, y'feel? it's so fun when you get "lost in the music" sort of thang, and it was just amazing, so many compliments were given and so many were received, this really sweet asian - we can call her mychonny - she said i was beautiful and reminded her of ariana grande and osborne said he liked my dress and disney princess becca just... /shakes head at her it was really nice she told me i danced like a rockstar and she was just adorable and spouting compliments - it was all sorts of nice feelies, the whole couple of hours.

the food was GREAT it was like this sort of... really nicely seasoned chicken??? i swear i've tasted something similar to it before at my own house but i can't say for certain - it was a tangy, sour-ish taste but a beautiful flavour man, and pita bread and tabouleh and salad and a falafel and i still have no idea what the heckiedangle those things are made of so let me just--

Falafel (/fəˈlɑːfəl/Arabicفلافل‎, [fæˈlæːfɪl] ( )) is a deep-fried ball or patty made from ground chickpeasfava beans, or both. Falafel is a traditional Middle Eastern food, usually served in a pita, which acts as a pocket, or wrapped in a flatbread known as lafa; "falafel" also frequently refers to a wrapped sandwich that is prepared in this way. The falafel balls are topped with salads, pickled vegetableshot sauce, and drizzled with tahini-based sauces. Falafel balls may also be eaten alone as a snack or served as part of a meze (appetizers).
Falafel is a common dish eaten throughout the Middle East. The fritters are now found around the world as a replacement for meat and as a form of street food.

praise wiki


it was nice.

the photos before the actual formal was awesome because it was when you first saw everyone and when you walk along with your formal battle-armour on, you feel like a champion BD seriously, you feel great because you were all prettied up for this and it's a nice feeling, dressing up, despite the fact that dress shopping has to be one of satan's favourite hobbies because it sure as hell isn't one of mine more like after i got mine; every dress store i looked at, i looked at them as though they were summoned from the seventh circle of hell (it took me hours to find a dress that i thought i liked and even after buying it, i was just dead inside from having to spend so much time doing that when i could be playing dragon age or something) and i just fled at the sight of every clothes store after that and wanted it over and done with

anyway, the photos

that was when my excitement really picked up because everyone looked so beautiful and it was like yes aWESOME!!! I GET TO SPEND MY TIME WITH ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!! IT'S GONNA BE SO FUN

and it WAS really fun, like, god, i would do it again

which i guess may be saying something because i thought i hated dances like this but this dance, this social/formal was so worth everything

and then came the after-party, which began at 11 and ended at 3 - my friends and i only stayed until 12:30

i got the award for most kawaii, and that was interesting

the ride to the after-party was pretty funny

za's mum was dropping us off and we were trying to find the location when we saw these shirtless dudes walking down the street heading towards somewhere and they were going to this house and za's mum was like hm well those boys can't be heading towards the party, i mean they're not part of your year are they

and za was just like ...... ha....ha...,,f, they are....

and we all just kinda looked at each other then and i felt this little tug of apprehension because ????? like okay then

the moment i entered the house there was that smell

alcohol, y'know? it was easy to guess there'd be alcohol but it was already so potent at the start of the party it was, well, not really surprising but yeah. my bro's part of the house (s'hard to explain but his room/computer room/toilet/lounge are located in this part of the house??) often smells like that when he has pre-drinks with his friends - just a note but my friends and i didn't drink anything, promise you that

my friends and i, after hanging around this lil tree that i was standing in front of which kept poking at my pits with its lil branches, headed towards a more secluded area - a garden - to just sit down and kinda maybe brANCH (huehue) off from the rowdy, drunk people who gathered more near the house

a few moments i remember have to do with osborne; we talked a bit near the bushes about the reports we got and stuff and that was cool and i'm kinda sure he was sober?? then we headed to the gardens and he came over with his friends and was like jesse u should mingle and i think i said something along the lines of nah man it's cool not very good at mingling but i also said something like 'too cool to hang with u soz bro' and he was like aw man my respect for u just went down jesse, i thought u were a nice funny chick but now i'm not so sure and i was like soz man i don't know what to say to that and he left and that was interesting but then i turned to my friends and kinda just furrowed my brows and was like, was he drunk?

that was possibly my first interaction with a drunk friend /nods

and then apad (we'll call him that) came over and well SUPER drunk but after a while of cautious conversation on my end, he began talking about how he regretted doing what he did and he asked me to make sure he didn't drink any more but then apologized for the serious talk and i just wanted to really reinforce how much i didn't mind talking to him even if he were drunk, but i'm not sure he got the message

anyway, i was worried for him during the party and once he asked me which way to get out of the gardens was safer - over the fence or up the stairs and we decided the stairs were safer and i offered to escort him up but he said no because he'd probs trip and take me down with him and i was just like... are... are you sure man?? like i really don't mind and he said it's okay and i just kinda pursed my lips and was like well, if you're sure... anyway, i was worried and i honestly really hope he's feeling okay right now and he's not in too much trouble

after that, random people came and went to talk to us / hang around and it was cool because i talked to a few people i never really talked to before

then, when we were leaving, osborne was like oh you guys are leaving? and we were like yeah and he was like oh and high fived me and was like it was fun dancing with u and the cookie and i was like yeah man, it was :D and it was cool

i only wish i remembered to check up on apad and say bye to him, but yeah!

the day was certainly jam-packed and a fascinating experience /nods

year 11 is on its way and iunno if i'm prepared

we'll see /wishes everyone luck in their schooling endeavours

also dragon age inquisition is heart-breaking and fantastic and wonderful and i've romanced cullen but like SOLAS.


SOLAS U EGG NERD I'M CRYING because his romance is so beautiful whereas cullen is the kinda typical cute kinda one?? but solas is all deep and it's V SAD and V PLOT-TWISTY AND MAN

inquisition is the best

i am a year eleven

have a beautiful day readers!!! i hope a stranger returns ur smile today or like smiles at u in a non-creepy way or like a smile... u smile... i hope u smile lots today :D

-jesse out B)