Sunday 19 January 2014

entry 14

weLL HOLY CRAP

last entry was slightly depressing wasn't it? i was just charged with negative energy when i wrote that, or whatever you call it, but yeah. i was a bit tired so i'm sorry to any readers who bothered to read that entry, aha.

but today is an alright day, scratch out the fact i have to spend at least 2 hours+ folding a mountain of clothes that no one else is bothered to conquer (looks pointedly at mother/father/brother/doge).

jesus.

this household..

so before doing that (i believe right now i am procrastinating but shh) i was reading a fanfiction called the Quandaries of a Quirky Romantic and it started off beautifully (i realized i could really relate to the main chara) but then i decided to look at the reviews and a lot of reviewers were exclaiming how sad the ending was.

i just nOPED out of that fic in no time. why do sad endings do that? they seriously just troll you forever and /deep sigh don't get me started on anohana.

but the fanfic has a sequel -- just, the author hasn't updated it in three years. goddammit. but then again writer's block is just really unfair. i'm going to have to sit down and get my school laptop one day and continue all those fanfics i've hid beneath everything (because writer's block//what else?) and edit them and publish them on my fanfic account which will remain unnamed.

but yeah.

on another note my wall has been expanding. very slowly, but i've been finding lots of good quotes recently and all i need to do is be bothered to write them down and try to get the post-it note to stick, whiiich is actually quite a bit of effort because there's no glue and i'm running out of blu-tac /sob

oh that reminds me. green tea. let me go get some right now.

okay i got some.

hm.

so my friend is coming over tomorrow but i'm getting a haircut before that. one part of me is so relieved that my mop of hair is finally being tamed but then again haircuts are probably the bane of my existence.

or, let me rephrase that.

during haircuts, are the bane of my existence.

i kind of just really dislike staring at myself in the mirror while the hairdresser is deciding the fate of everything with your hair and it can go two ways: really good or REALLY REALLY BAD /sob.

i just.

/deep sigh.

haircuts.

but anyway this:

'are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?'

tumblr is wonderful yo.

so on another note, sleeping is good!!! seriously, make sure to get enough sleep okay cuties? sleeping is especially good for me because it seems if i don't get enough my eyelids go uneven and idek. let's not bring that up again.

ni no kuni is a great game yo. my brother and i play it together and it's really fun! studio ghibli made the game and that makes me hope for a little romance for the dear protagonist and yeah. it's just really good. the story is great so far, even though i'm barely a quarter in.

so yeah.

i better go fold the clothes now.

Moon by Clear is a good song.

bye! be safe friends! and happy!

this is entry 14.

Saturday 18 January 2014

entry 13

man i haven't posted in a long time huh?

well i guess, a lot has happened since 2013. welcome 2014 but jesus, time is going by so quickly next thing you know i'll be getting ready for the biggest test that does decide my future and gives so much bad, bad pressure: the hsc. i envy those who don't need to have that kind of pressure on them. /sigh.

anyway, enough of my complaining (but then again this blog is pretty much all my complaining so /shrugs). i just hope i can write everything before my dad comes home.

uhm so, basically on the last day of school (jamberoo) i told canoe guy he had a nice smile and i have no idea if he heard me or not and honestly, looking back i'm not sure whether it'd be good for him to or bad for him to have heard me (long story short: i lost my wallet, i got it, we passed by each other and i said it).

yeah.

conundrums. 

my life is damn full of 'em. /deep whale sigh.

christmas was nice, i think...

i uh, i can't remember it fully now even though it was like twenty something days or go, but yeah. it was nice. i wanted a basketball. i got a book about sports instead. buuut my family and i went up to sydney and had all you can eat korean barbeque and wagyu meat is amazing!!

...

but seriously, a book about sports instead of an actual sport item that would-- brother why.

new years was okay. my bro took the family out just to see fireworks and i should've brought my glasses (oh, i'm getting new ones as well so wootwoot) so i could see them in high definition, but i didn't because i am a silly butt.

i'm a bit apprehensive of the new year, but i guess i look forward to it as well. apprehensive because this will be the last year where i can actually take a breather and have fun but i do reaaaally look forward to it because jAPAN. and bush school is coming up, so that's cool. apprehensive also because a friend is leaving.

tw: suicide/self-harm-

basically, that friend is dear ames, and yesterday (although it'll be the day after yesterday i guess since it's 1:44am now) i helped her flush her blades. she didn't want to at first and let's just say i was just... i guess i was disappointed but moreover i was worried so i told her my opinion that she should (earlier she'd sent me a message that said she didn't know if she could do it herself so she wanted me there, so i just wanted to confirm that she'd take a step /eventually/). but i remembered that i wrote her a letter, so i gave it to her to read first and then we talked and talked and talked and then finally she offered to flush them. i asked her if she was sure and she said she was and i asked her again. she said yes.

we talked and talked and talked again and i think she was stalling and she was feeling nervous but eventually we did it. i made her promise me she'd flush all of them and i sat quietly on the make-do bed i had to sleep in (since it was a sleepover) and she'd hid quite a lot, and she recovered a lot. but she said 'i think that's all' and that was a warning sign in itself, so i inquired, 'you think?' slowly, she nodded and muttered, 'i don't know where my other ones are'. but i couldn't force her to do anything. but there were a lot of blades, i just hope there weren't that many left. i don't know if she lied to me or not -- the probability is very high -- but i just hope that she'll be able to overcome it. i just hope.

i don't know if i'm relieved.

i feel like i was on a battlefield rigged with landmines and even though right now i'm hurting and injured from the weapons i'm just glad i didn't step on any mines. i'm so emotionally and mentally tired it's not funny.

i told her later, that if something were to happen in the future and she did something... then no matter what she didn't have to be afraid of me being disappointed in her.

i just want her to be happy and i pray to whatever up there that she will find her reason.

man, am i being cliche or anything like that?

i'm just really,

really,

tired.

/sigh.

but i'll get better.

a lot of thoughts were exchanged.

/sigh.

this is making me feel drained. but i'm writing it so that i won't forget the strength and the tiredness that will hopefully be worth it.

-end-

so yeah.

2014.

not sure what to feel about it.

uhm.

yeah.

be safe and awesome alright any readers out there? i'm also watching sukitte ii na yo and it's cute but it escalates really frickin quickly.

jesus.

bye! this is entry 13 yo.